My Thoughts On...

I just got the internet in my apartment today.  My apartment that I moved into and stole half of from Bryan two months ago.  My tummy's full of heavy noms and I have no idea how late it is.  I have really great sex.  Can I just say that right up front?  And so many cuddles.  And adventures.  I went hiking with Young Bryan yesterday through these crazy-ass caves and cliffs that look like they're from Legends of the Hidden Temple only... real.  There was even a cool little waterfall we drank from.  And found lots of little pr0nfilming nooks and tested one out a bit.  I love my adventures with Bryan.   XD 

And the day before that I went swimming with Chris (young cousin) at the beach and got him caught up on my life and whatnot.  Next week I'm probably staying the night at Aunt Sandy's Monday night, so that on Tuesday Morning me, Chris, and maybe Devin and/or Christian (ALL COUSINS, WE ARE PLENTIFUL!!!) can go to the beach near their hood and go splorin'.

I'm listening to old deo's Shadow episodes.  I miss that show bigtime.  It's a pagan podcast.

Today, I called Mike to invite him over, and he was really stressing about a lot of stuff.  Money, finding a new job, sick gramma, stressed family, etc.  So, he came over and we cuddled, played with the computer, had incredible sex, rubbed chocolate all over each other in the shower afterwards, got all smoked up, and went out for bison burgers.  I like having someone to take care of just a little bit.  But not to the point where they need me to survive.  I like to spoil Mike, and he spoils me back.  ^-^  And we talk about a lot of stuff.  We're really alike personality-wise and he likes being a silly five year old with me, including the little voices.  And we can relate on a lot of deep emotional levels, both painful and pleasurable.  But most of the time, he's just plain fun.

When Bryan got home from work today, he was in a shitty mood, and had this big sad rant about his jealousy and such, because I guess Mike has a habit of forgetting to flush his baseball cards, so Bryan knows like exactly when we've had sex.  That was a downer, but what the hell am I supposed to do?  He's the one who keeps telling me I should be free to love whoever, however. I know it's hard, and that he wants to learn to overcome jealousy, but I still feel an urge to try to fix his problems, which makes me start thinking I should change things to suit his needs... but that's not what he wants, or what I want.  I just want us to all be happy and express how we feel about each other in peace. 

Anyway, Bryan did a banishing to get rid of his negative energy, and then we got all smoked up (such a stoner day, holy shit XD) and I showed him ALL the unicorns.  Charlies one through three and all of Planet Unicorn.  Lucky Star is next.  XD  By the way, Charlie the Unicorn should be experienced with pot by everyone who's interested in both of them.  XD  As should a lot of other things.  Pink Floyd, sex, walking around at night, bison, etc. 

Bryan showed me he's a gargoyle.  It was amazing.

Hi, Jen here.  Pretty much the same one.  But I'm in a whole new world now.  I broke up with Cameron, moved in with Young Bryan, and am in one of the most bizarre love triangles ever between him and Mike.  I live with Bryan, and he's... technically my boyfriend, but we're in an open relationship, so I'm also sort of dating Mike.  But, they're best friends and we're all completely aware of the situation, so it's awkward at times when we're all hanging out.  I love them both.  I just want to be close to the people I care about.

We're all going to be porn stars.  Kickass, eh?

I'm practicing more yoga and studying more magick.  I'm having fun with food and creating things.  I'm learning to live in the moment, for the moment.  I'm experiencing things most people can't even dream about and seeing the world in a million new ways.

I'm happier than I've ever been.

Life is wonderful.

Tuesday

April 21st

8:48pm

I can't stop the woods and the beach and the fire and the sun and the stars from swirling around each other in my head.  Every second I spend in a building or a house makes me feel like I'm being punished, and I just need to break out and look up to see forever again.  Being out there so much after so many years away has brought back all my old summer memories.  Running as swiftly as possible through the branches to discover the mystery that is the other side of the hill, watching the animals live in a way they have for longer than I can begin to imagine.  Sneaking out into the yard in the middle of the night just to watch the moon rise, the meteors fall, and the bats flitter, and making coffee (the only time I ever did like it) with my sister at sunrise.  I crave it, the freedom of leisurely time in nature with good company, uninterrupted.

Homesick, I guess you could call it.  Only far more fierce.

Calm down, Jen.  Saturday's getting closer.

Sunday

April 19th

5:45pm

As of late, it's been pretty effin' snazzy.

I decided to go with a Brother, sewing machine-wise, but I still haven't begun learning to use it yet.  I've been very busy.

I've spent a lot of time making good friends since Niki left.  I'll have to introduce her to all of them WHEN SHE VISITS  *AHEM*.  XD

Me and Alison (friend from work who recently quit) have begun a quest to find the best Irish pub's stew, and she's very excited to have a friend who likes the Disney channel.  XD  We're also filming a music video for our (soon to be chart topping) song "I'm on a Goat".

Young Bryan (also from work, but hasn't quit yet XD) is my newest best friend.  Hanging out with him is like being with my sister again.  I really missed that sort of wild freedom.  We romp through the woods, talk about what we think of... pretty much everything, and he's introducing me to the world of hippies.  XD  One of those hippies may in fact provide the very goat for me and Alison's video.  XD!!!!  Oh, and we're writing a story about foxgoose-goosefox.  Details on that will unravel as the tale does, I'm sure.

My great-grandmother (91) died last week, so I spent a week in West Virginia for the funeral.  All my gramma's kids were in the same room for the first time since my mom's wedding (1982).  It was really cool to have them all together like that.  I met a lot of family I'd never seen before.  And I realized just how big my family really is.  I'm one of forty-two great-grandchildren.

It was my first funeral, so I was really nervous and cried a LOT, and this 12 year old kid put suckers in the coffin.

I saw a road.  It was called Road Run Road.  I LOVED IT.

Cameron met a French Canadian.  From Russia.  He's offered him a hundred thousand dollar Jaguar and two thousand bucks a month to run this recording studio he's building in Montreal, watch his house there, something about importing alcohol in Florida, and maybe managing a hobby store.  Hopefully just not all at once.  XD  The place isn't quite built yet, and I think Cameron's getting his erm... audio degree or whatever you call it before this happens... but it's a pretty amazing opportunity.  I'm really excited for him.  ^-^

The band he's managing is sounding pretty damn good on their new record (I've been going to the studio while they recorded a bit) and they're in a battle of the bands at a local festival coming up.

I'm going on a camping trip this weekend that's going to be SUCH a blast.  There's like, a million concerts going on all night, tons of people will be there, and classes!  Young Bryan's teaching yoga, Mike (one of the six fired from work FOR NO REASON AUGH) is teaching jujitsu, so who knows what other cool stuff'll be there?  I can't wait!

Niki's online!  Yay!

Beef & Cheese

Steak

Grill

Steak Knife

Barbeque Sauce

Tobasco Sauce

A-1

Beer

Meat

Burger

Brats (braaahhhhts)

Chili

Beans

Chili Cheese (whether it be on a hotdog or a burrito it is manly)

Jerky

Ketchup

Chops/Porkchops

Bacon

Fried

NOT SKILLET UNLESS USED IN SUCH A PHRASE AS THIS:  This is my skillet where my WIFE fries things, and then I HIT her with it!

Nachos

Pizza  ...   Speaking of which, we're about to go get some.  (Is that what she said?)

It's 10pm and I should probably go to sleep.

There's a chicken chalupa on the other side of the wall that's been trying to sweet-talk me for hours.

My mom won't heat the room I've been in all day, because she says she can't afford it.

Even though gramma just bought a heater that uses just ten cents worth of electricity per day when run all day.

On top of the fact that gramma is also now paying her hundreds in rent per month.

And she's been getting $25 per week from me.

I'm going to the dealership (hahaha!) with Cameron tomorrow to buy a sewing machine.

Then to his long lost (thanks to his mother) sister's house for a visit.

I really shouldn't eat that taco.

I shouldn't eat anything at all this close to bed.

It probably tastes like shit after sitting for so long anyways.

I haven't seen Niki in ages.

She never even tried to get a hold of me when she got back in town.

Actually, she never tries to get a hold of me.  I always end up seeking her out.

I think my stomach wants to growl.

I ran out of healthy food.  Basically.

I have two carrots and a lemon.  And a chalupa.  Fuck.

I'm not going to like weekdays at work without Debbie.

Fridays and Saturdays are the only time the other girls are there when I am.

I'll get so lonely.

They better hire me a friend.

I'm tired.  I'm going to bed.  Hopefully the taco won't catch me on my way there.

Tuesday

March 10th

8:22pm

My best friend at work, Debbie, has decided that Thursday will be her last day on the job.  The owner's an egotistical wopzilla who hates people he can't piss off, and therefore terrorizes the world trying to single those people out.  Debbie's not one of those people, so she... uh... got pissed off enough to quit.  I'm really gonna miss her.  She was the only person there who I really felt I could talk to, especially about work-related problems.  Hopefully I'll still get to see her sometimes.  Her sister is a manager at a pizza place 10min from her house, whereas our current workplace is nearly an hour's drive for her.  She'll be going there and managing three days a week.

I was hired in mid-December.  Since then, six people have been fired, and now we're losing Debbie.  I'm still the newest person there, and one of VERY few people trained in the juice bar.  I really hope they decide to hire another person, because I've lately been doing the work of two people... and would prefer that the number not inflate.  It's becoming more and more like the deli every day.  But I can't quit here.

At least not yet.  I want to have at least six months here for my future applications since my last job I only lasted three months at before quitting.

And I like my employee discount.

A lot.

I also want to kill my mother.

All she does is make me cry.

I have to move out.  Soon.

Fuck her.  She's not getting any more of my money.

WILL SOMEONE PLEASE TEACH ME TO DRIVE SO I CAN GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE?!

I'm definitely going to sew my own flowering teas in my etsy store as well.  Possibly even before clothes.  I'll love tea to death and beyond, and the flowering ones are just so beautiful.  I'll have to get myself a glass teapot.  And one for Debbie, for whenever her birthday is, along with making her a... tea flower.  ^-^  She told me before that she thinks they're so pretty, etc., therefore I must.

Anyway, I've decided to go with Janome for my first sewing machine adventure because Japan's technology kicks ass and tends to hold up well.  I've found a local certified Janome dealer, so I'm going to call them tomorrow and talk prices/models because it's way too fucking cold to take the bus up there.

I was supposed to go to Niki's tonight, but I was so exhausted and felt like crap, dying of hypothermia at the mere thought of going outside, and didn't have any cash moneys to use for the bus.  Ha!  Recipe for disaster.  So I laid in my living room floor in front of the heater for like two hours before starting some research on all this sewing/tea nonsense.  I'm also going to make organic lotions and body scrubs and such for my etsy site, fyi, because I'm cool and inventive like that.  And allergic to the world.

I need to come up with good store name that isn't already being used.  Something earthy, feminine, exciting, relaxing, and philosophical.  Don't be shy with the ideas, now.  XD

As chilly as it is in here, I'm warm for once.  I've got four blankets (2 fleece, 2 throws), my winter coat (hood up), 2 robes, and my pink tinkerbell gloves (not thick enough for outdoor protection) which I cut the fingertips off of to allow me to type.  Oh.  And slippers.  ^-^

MIDNIGHT?! 

The other night, Cameron and I stopped by Barnes & Noble to check out a terrible cd that the record store didn't have (for good reason)... and while we were there I picked up a couple things from their "Irish Display".

The Celtic Lullaby

Various Artists

The music is to help find some proper

Darby O'Gill and the Little People

lullabies for my future children.  XD

It has really old songs from a wide span of the erm... isles.  XD

It's very pretty.

Darby's a classic and is watched in my house every Saint Patrick's Day.  We have it on VHS, so I bought a DVD for both my mother and myself.

Her birthday's the day after.

Sunday

March 1st

7:30pm

So, I've decided I'm going to be a fashion designer.  ^-^  Organic, of course.  I'm working on deciding what sewing machine to buy, learning all I can about designing and making clothes, and being really insanely excited.

I'm going to keep a list here of great sources of info, supplies, etc.

• Etsy, where I'll most likely have my first store.
• Near Sea Naturals, organic fabric supplier.
• Fashion-Incubator, great info on starting a line, company, etc.

And last but certainly not least.

• ThreadBanger, the amazing youtube channel that makes it look as simple as it is.