6 posts tagged “friend”

It's 10pm and I should probably go to sleep.

There's a chicken chalupa on the other side of the wall that's been trying to sweet-talk me for hours.

My mom won't heat the room I've been in all day, because she says she can't afford it.

Even though gramma just bought a heater that uses just ten cents worth of electricity per day when run all day.

On top of the fact that gramma is also now paying her hundreds in rent per month.

And she's been getting $25 per week from me.

I'm going to the dealership (hahaha!) with Cameron tomorrow to buy a sewing machine.

Then to his long lost (thanks to his mother) sister's house for a visit.

I really shouldn't eat that taco.

I shouldn't eat anything at all this close to bed.

It probably tastes like shit after sitting for so long anyways.

I haven't seen Niki in ages.

She never even tried to get a hold of me when she got back in town.

Actually, she never tries to get a hold of me.  I always end up seeking her out.

I think my stomach wants to growl.

I ran out of healthy food.  Basically.

I have two carrots and a lemon.  And a chalupa.  Fuck.

I'm not going to like weekdays at work without Debbie.

Fridays and Saturdays are the only time the other girls are there when I am.

I'll get so lonely.

They better hire me a friend.

I'm tired.  I'm going to bed.  Hopefully the taco won't catch me on my way there.

Tuesday

March 10th

8:22pm

My best friend at work, Debbie, has decided that Thursday will be her last day on the job.  The owner's an egotistical wopzilla who hates people he can't piss off, and therefore terrorizes the world trying to single those people out.  Debbie's not one of those people, so she... uh... got pissed off enough to quit.  I'm really gonna miss her.  She was the only person there who I really felt I could talk to, especially about work-related problems.  Hopefully I'll still get to see her sometimes.  Her sister is a manager at a pizza place 10min from her house, whereas our current workplace is nearly an hour's drive for her.  She'll be going there and managing three days a week.

I was hired in mid-December.  Since then, six people have been fired, and now we're losing Debbie.  I'm still the newest person there, and one of VERY few people trained in the juice bar.  I really hope they decide to hire another person, because I've lately been doing the work of two people... and would prefer that the number not inflate.  It's becoming more and more like the deli every day.  But I can't quit here.

At least not yet.  I want to have at least six months here for my future applications since my last job I only lasted three months at before quitting.

And I like my employee discount.

A lot.

I also want to kill my mother.

All she does is make me cry.

I have to move out.  Soon.

Fuck her.  She's not getting any more of my money.

WILL SOMEONE PLEASE TEACH ME TO DRIVE SO I CAN GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE?!

Then I'll move it faster, faster, faster, faster.

Wednesday, September 10th

Noonish

Only two days off this week.  Today and Friday.  I fucking NEED a day off after closing with Cindy last night.  She makes us do twice as much as anyone else makes us, and every time she walks past me, she goes,"Faster, faster, faster, faster!"  SHUT.  UP!  MY ARMS WILL NOT MOVE FASTER THAN THIS WITHOUT FLYING OFF OF MY BODY.  GO.  AWAAAAY.

The store was closed.  The customers were all gone.   The EMPLOYEES were all gone.  Except for me, Justin, and Cindy.  Yet, for some reason, it is inappropriate to talk while I'm cleaning the glass on the meat display case.

I was already pissed at her for being such an annoying bitch, and for having to clean ALL THREE slicers that night because there were only two of us closing the deli (Cindy had to close up the seafood department because the guy who was supposed to got hurt in culinary school today).  But.  Even though I'd been working my ass off and putting up with her shit for the past nine hours (THAT'S RIGHT KIDS, NINE FUCKING HOURS OF CINDY) I wasn't allowed to make idle conversation to take my mind off of murdering her in the face.  FINE.  I'LL JUST GO FASTERFASTERFASTERFASTER.  MY RAGE FUELS MY ARM.  AND MY MURDEROUS PLOT.  ENJOY.

"Nooo taaaalkING!  You need to be working!"

"We can do both at the same time!  (forced happy tone)"

"No you can't!  If you're looking up at him you're not looking at what you're cleaning."

What?!  I didn't even know where the fuck he was at.  I just responded to a voice from beyond the counter.  SHUT.  UP.  CINDY.  THIS IS NOT STUDY HALL.  I HATE YOU.

"I wasn't looking up at him."

"*hushedgrumble*"

And as if that were not enough, they had to shut the power off because they're doing something to the freezers or something.  I don't know.  But, Cindy had us rush over to the machine to punch out, BUT IT WAS TOO LATE.  WOW.  SO, A FUCKING HALF HOUR AFTER WE'RE SUPPOSED TO LEAVE IS TOO LATE.  IMAGINE THAT.  So, she had us go fasterfasterfasterfaster back to the deli, and I was THOROUGHLY PISSED, rushing round like a fucking maniac, and slipped on the floor (I didn't know Justin had just mopped.  I was too consumed by my attempt to burn a hole through the glass I was cleaning with my fasterfasterfaster arm.)  and landed flat on my ass (and killed myself).  It was a classic Charlie Brown football kick fall, without so many flips.

She was acting all fucking concerned.  Concerned that I might report her ass and jeopardize her fucking JOB maybe.  It's her WHOLE FUCKING LIFE.   She is the ONLY person I've met there who talks about nothing but work.  Justin told me she has kids!  SHE HAS NEVER MENTIONED HAVING CHILDREN, A HUSBAND, A PET, A FRIEND, A THOUGHT, OR ANYTHING BUT MEAT AND CHEESE.  DIE ALREADY!

Me and Justin had a very serious discussion about this (while she was at her 2 o'clock meeting and the employees were allowed to speak) and decided that no one would fuck that.  The kids are either a lie, adopted, or were artificially inseminated.  No one would even rape her.  She'd be talking about stock levels.  Who gets off on that?

Anyway, when we FINALLY got out of there (9 fucking 15 pm), I was on the bench in front of the store trying to release all of the day's frustration by crying and ranting to Cameron on the phone, when Cindy comes around the fucking corner and starts talking to me!  "Are you okay?  How long until your ride gets here?  Do you want me to wait with you?'   WTF?!  NO!  GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!!!  IT'S HARD TO BITCH ABOUT YOU WHEN YOU'RE A FOOT AWAY.  IT'S YOUR FUCKING FAULT I'M ENRAGED AND HAVE A THROBBING ASS-BRUISE RIGHT NOW.  DON'T TRY TO MAKE YOURSELF FEEL LESS GUILTY BY PRETENDING TO CARE.  YOU ONLY CARE ABOUT GETTING IN TROUBLE FOR HARASSING AND CAUSING INJURY TO CUTE HAPPY NEW EMPLOYEES THAT THE MANAGER ABOVE YOU LIKES.  YEAH.  MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TOLD HIM WHAT A GREAT JOB I WAS DOING SO FAR.   MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE KILLED YOURSELF INSTEAD.  HAVE A GOOD EVENING.  I HOPE YOUR CHILDREN KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP.  YOU KNOW THEY WANT TO.

4:30pm

1. Everything I love about fall starts to come (that would be a list in itself ^-^).
2. Along with my first paycheck.
3. The arrival of Wen (which I'm ordering today).
4. The ability to have a cup of high quality organic tea every day.
5. The ability to have a green smoothie every day (before my mom gets home).
6. The ability to buy myself or a friend something small without guilt.
7. Less time to worry about silly things.
8. Less time around my mother.
9. Feeling like I have a purpose.
10. Making more friends at work.
11. Me and my best friends all making more money (Cameron got more hours at work).
12. Seeing more sunrises.
13. Feeling more independent, less reliant.
14. Feeling healthier.
15. Gaining confidence from my job forcing me to be less shy, and seeing the results.
16. Feeling better about myself.
17. Being a better friend (because I can focus more on them when I when I'm with them, since I won't have my own problems distracting me.)
18. Getting to sample a new kind of cheese whenever I want (during my breaks, of course).
19. Seeing my store's chocolate section and allowing myself to indulge.
20. Buying amazingly prepared salmon (or chicken, or whatever else) during my lunch breaks.
21. Buying fresh, wild Alaskan salmon (or organic salmon imported from Ireland) and making sushi with Niki.
22. Seeing if the sushi at work is better than at Giant Beagle (it looks the same).
23. Going to the fondue restaurant.
24. And of course, the series that follows the end of lonelygirl15, The Resistance.  XD

Wednesday, August 20th

5pm

I went to the beach with Cameron yesterday!  ^-^  I've been wanting him to go with me for three years, and he finally did!  And it was so much fun!  ^-^!!!!  We watched the seagulls (from like two feet away, while they'd sort of hover as the wind blew over them.  It was magnificent.), collected pretty stones, and played in the sand and water with our feet.  ^-^  It was kind of chilly, and the wind was coming in strong off of the shore, but the water was SO warm.  It was wonderful.  ^-^ 

Oh, and there was a tractor.

We found a piece of sea glass, a clear one that got all frosty looking.  I wrapped a star pattern onto it with silver wire (just can't escape the CPS XD) and made a necklace from it today.  It's pretty.  ^-^  I was supposed to wire-wrap a stone Cameron picked up, to make into a keychain.  So, last night when I was carrying all my stuff into my room, my hands were full, so I put the stone down my shirt.  I ended up forgetting that I put it there, and I couldn't find it when I woke up.  <u.u>  I looked for it for like fifteen minutes with no luck.  It's kind of small.  I'll have to tidy my room up a bit tomorrow and look harder.

I also talked to my friend Roseanne.  She's this nice, little old lady who lives on my street and walks a lot.  I talked to her a few times last year when I'd walk to the bus for school.  I told her about switching schools, and that I was going to the beach, and she said how much fun she had at the beach with her friend on Wednesday, and if I ever want to, I can cut some flowers from her little flower garden she was working on when I walked by.  ^-^  I'm going to send her a Christmas card this year.

Speaking of neighbors, my really horrible ones (who wanted to eat Aunt Sandy because she was "speeding" into my driveway... not the ones who called the cops on Cameron (and break children's arms) because he was "speeding" out of my driveway, finally got their fence up.  Sadly, it doesn't hide their back door OR driveway from our view.  And their child's sandbox is still on my side of the fence.  ^o.0^

Tuesday, July 22nd

11:56pm

I've always been the girl whose friends come to her for advice.  But what happens when I don't know what to do either?  I feel like not being able to fix someone else's problem is just as bad as creating it in the first place.  I really shouldn't, because it's completely illogical, but I don't know how else to deal with it.  Failing your friend is just... it makes me cry.  I hate letting people down.

Niki's dealing with some serious crap, as usual, and I can't help her.  I feel like the worst friend in the world just because I don't know how to fix her problems.  I shouldn't feel like that.  I can't fix half of my own problems, but I don't beat myself up over that.  At least not as much.  It's NOT my fault that I'm out of ideas, and it's NOT my fault that she can't afford to get an apartment right now.  But I feel like even she thinks I'm a terrible friend and a horrible person for giving her a dose of reality and telling her that.  IT'S NOT MY FUCKING FAULT!  WHY DO I FEEL SO AWFUL?!  Don't shoot the fucking messenger.  Ugh. 

I only disagree with her when she's doing something that I think is harmful to herself.  I'm allowed to have my own opinions every once in a while.  Even if I look at her point of view, I'm allowed to say it doesn't make sense, isn't logical, or even that I think it's wrong.  And if she prefers to do things that I think are harmful, that's fine, that's her decision.  But I should still be able to tell her what I think without being the insensitive ass.  Now I'm annoyed, and will most definitely come across as one.  I need to vent.  Everyone needs to let their inner opinionated bitch out now and again.

That being said, here are my frank and possibly rude opinions.

I think it's stupid to choose living with her dad (and sharing a room with Nick) over living with her mom.

• He has no job.  No house.  No money.  No food.  He doesn't even like Nick right now. 
• She wouldn't even sleep in Nick's room the other night because he hadn't showered in a week.  Even when there is hot water, he doesn't shower unless she forces him to.  His sheets and laundry would stink up the entire room.  She could never tolerate that room and would find herself a couch (which she'd hate) to avoid the smell. 
• He'll probably end up living with Gina as soon as she gets over their most recent fight.

• At her mom's she could have her own room.  With a bed.  Apparently it's uncomfortably small.  I say, suck it up.  As small as it is, it's a hell of a lot better than sharing a room or being a hobo (her only other option that exists in this state).  It's temporary anyway, so just DEAL with it, because it's the best there is right now.  And there will be food.  And places nearby where she can earn money.

Staying with Lynn should not be ruled out before she even visits her.

• There is nothing in the damn town worth her staying for.  Or even fucking coming back for.  None of the people here who she wants to spend time with ever feel the same way except for me.  And I'll be moving to the east coast as soon as I can anyway.  And she can bring Nick with her, though I doubt he'd want to go.  There's an ultimatum that'd show how much he cares.
• Lynn offered to pay to put her through school there and hook her up with a job she'd love.  She wouldn't make these offers if she didn't really care.  Niki would not have to worry about feeling like a burden because of that.  Which I think she feels like with her parents.
• She'd have everything she needs to be comfortable while she figures out who she is and what she wants to do with her life.  Food, a bed, the choice to do whatever she wants at any given moment, friends, pets, spending money, spare time, fun trips.  To be perfectly honest, if it didn't mean leaving Cameron behind, I'd go live with Lynn!

And now Niki's back and not mad at me... or even at all.  So I'm gonna feel like a complete ass for still posting this, but it IS what I feel, so it SHOULD be in my journal.  Right?  Oy.

Also.  I hate when I'm talking to her and then all of a sudden it's Chris.  Can she not take a piss without you stealing the computer?  Back off brotha.

Okay.  Deep breath...       and....

Save.