11 posts tagged “friends”

Three is company tooooooooo!

My camera has arriiiived!

Also.  On Saturday, Bryan and I went to a tantra workshop/celebration/raw food feeeast and became friends with some awesome people.  We have a new bestie named Shakthi (he's from India and is super cool) who Bryan actually ran into at a festival too.  XD  He was heading the workshop, along with Iris, who is more free to be herself than anyone I've ever met.  Halle (who I'm becoming friends with now, holy shit) described her quite well as being a spirit.  When she sang with the singing bowl... god.  I can't even describe how incredible it was.  Needless to say, I sang with mine the next day, and it was unbelievable.  Anyone who has a singing bowl and has never sung with it, it's something you should really experience.

 The workshop was incredible.  There were tons of exercises to open the chakras, raise energy and play with it, notice how the food affected different chakras, and just generally have everyone open up and become free to be themselves without fear of judgement.  By the end we were all hugging and feeding each other (raw vegan) cake.  ^-^  It was amazing.  It was what kindergarten should be.

I have more to tell, but I'm sleepy, so I'll tell more another time.  I still need to write about the drum circle at my last festival.  ^-^

Sunday

April 19th

5:45pm

As of late, it's been pretty effin' snazzy.

I decided to go with a Brother, sewing machine-wise, but I still haven't begun learning to use it yet.  I've been very busy.

I've spent a lot of time making good friends since Niki left.  I'll have to introduce her to all of them WHEN SHE VISITS  *AHEM*.  XD

Me and Alison (friend from work who recently quit) have begun a quest to find the best Irish pub's stew, and she's very excited to have a friend who likes the Disney channel.  XD  We're also filming a music video for our (soon to be chart topping) song "I'm on a Goat".

Young Bryan (also from work, but hasn't quit yet XD) is my newest best friend.  Hanging out with him is like being with my sister again.  I really missed that sort of wild freedom.  We romp through the woods, talk about what we think of... pretty much everything, and he's introducing me to the world of hippies.  XD  One of those hippies may in fact provide the very goat for me and Alison's video.  XD!!!!  Oh, and we're writing a story about foxgoose-goosefox.  Details on that will unravel as the tale does, I'm sure.

My great-grandmother (91) died last week, so I spent a week in West Virginia for the funeral.  All my gramma's kids were in the same room for the first time since my mom's wedding (1982).  It was really cool to have them all together like that.  I met a lot of family I'd never seen before.  And I realized just how big my family really is.  I'm one of forty-two great-grandchildren.

It was my first funeral, so I was really nervous and cried a LOT, and this 12 year old kid put suckers in the coffin.

I saw a road.  It was called Road Run Road.  I LOVED IT.

Cameron met a French Canadian.  From Russia.  He's offered him a hundred thousand dollar Jaguar and two thousand bucks a month to run this recording studio he's building in Montreal, watch his house there, something about importing alcohol in Florida, and maybe managing a hobby store.  Hopefully just not all at once.  XD  The place isn't quite built yet, and I think Cameron's getting his erm... audio degree or whatever you call it before this happens... but it's a pretty amazing opportunity.  I'm really excited for him.  ^-^

The band he's managing is sounding pretty damn good on their new record (I've been going to the studio while they recorded a bit) and they're in a battle of the bands at a local festival coming up.

I'm going on a camping trip this weekend that's going to be SUCH a blast.  There's like, a million concerts going on all night, tons of people will be there, and classes!  Young Bryan's teaching yoga, Mike (one of the six fired from work FOR NO REASON AUGH) is teaching jujitsu, so who knows what other cool stuff'll be there?  I can't wait!

Niki's online!  Yay!

At Niki's

Tuesday

January 13th, 2009

2pm

Happy New Year.

Everything is constantly changing.  I got a new job in the health food store I love so much, working in the juice bar.  I miss my deli buddies, but my new job is so much better and I'm making good friends.  Too bad they'll all eventually quit and/or move to California.  Christmas was full of Hello Kitty.  Cameron's becoming a voice actor and plans to get a house with a couple of his friends after this semester.  I'm not ready to move in with him yet, but I'm still not sure what my plans for moving out are.  I'm still saving for my degree and need a car/license before I feel comfortable moving out.  Niki's back to obsessing over guys and forgetting the rest of the world exists.  Who's the real Hachi in this friendship?  I miss her.  Even though we're in the same room. 

She's getting on a plane (or two) by herself to go half way across the country to see this guy.  But she's scared to take the bus 15 minutes down the street by herself.

I got a Nintendo DS (and Pokemon Mystery Dungeon / Hello Kitty PDA software) and DDR for my PS2.

I just bought an Aquasana shower filter to celebrate my first paycheck from my new job.

Cameron said his parents are thinking about giving or letting me borrow their laptop that they don't really need anymore to use for school.  They think I'm just taking online classes from the local community college I went to for a semester and a half (ish), and don't know about the grandma-box situation.  If they decide not to, I'm going to get a credit card and start building up good credit by buying a laptop (that I can afford to pay off right away).  Hopefully I'll be back online soon.

My mom's getting off work now.  Cameron didn't answer his phone, so I think he's in a class.  I really need to see him. 

I'm not taking the bus because apparently there's a rapist/theif with a gun on the loose (local enough for concern).  I guess I'll end up leaving with my mom while Niki's still asleep.

I told Niki last night how I was upset about her ignoring me to talk to Brett the last three times I've come over.  I tried all evening to get her to pay attention to me, but she was more interested in talking to him.  Even though it's all she does, and she only sees me once a week (or less).  I told her I don't care if she wants to talk to him, but that she shouldn't tell me she's going to hang out with me if she's just going to ignore me. 

I finally got her to shut off the computer and watch the Nana anime with me, but I could tell she didn't want to and just felt bad about upsetting me.  After the first episode ended she went in the bathroom and didn't come out for at least a half hour.  I cleaned up the kitchen and got ready for bed.  I wasn't enjoying forcing her to hang out with me, so I rolled over like fifteen minutes after she came back.  I heard her get on the phone with Brett.  I shut off the tv.

I don't know why I bother.

Thirteen days until I turn twenty.

I think I'll build a snowman when I get home.

As I'm sure you've noticed.  Hopefully my fall themed text colors will help make up for that.  I work, I see my friends, and I sleep... and I do all the shit my mom needs in order to move grandma in NEXT WEEK?  That's insanely soon.  And gramma's in Florida, so my mom's doing everything.  Deciding what goes where, packing, moving things.  Oy.  But anyway, WEDNESDAY.  I'm singing an original song at the nifty little cafe's open mic night (after some Niki peep hangin' all around the world and the health food store).  And Cameron's thinking about singing a combination of two eighties songs he's strung together nicely.  And Niki will be there (for it is our peephangland) and also possibly Anne!  I told her about it, and she's been to that cafe before, so I said she should come!  'Cause she gets off at seven that night, and Cameron doesn't get off until eight.  Plenty of time.  So, after the performance and some big giant peep hangin', Cameron's gonna drop me and Niki off at her house where the peep hangin' shall continue on into the wee hours of the night.  XD

Also.  Prom.  We've decided to have a deli prom at work.  (Island themed.)  XD  Only those who belong to the deli (and their dates) are allowed to come.  The list of couples, as of yet, is as follows:

Me - Dolphin

Anne - Hot Capicolla (Spiral Ham dumped her)

Chelse - Possibly Leona Bologna, still undecided, but definitely is the DJ.

Jenn - Eye of Round

John (from the kitchen) - Broccoli Delight

Jerry (from the seafood department, who we haven't even told about prom yet XD) - NOT the rainbow trout because it's not a deli member and, therefore, cannot get him in.  Most likely the Eggplant Wrapped Tillapia.  (We decided he can't handle the Orange Roughie.)

We're waiting until there's a night when EVERYONE who knows about it is closing.  We may write Cindy a note asking for her to schedule us all to close on the same night one night, but we haven't thought of a reason to give her for it yet.  XD  Most importantly, though, I need to write her a note to remind her that I wrote her a note requesting Halloween and the next day off (next Friday and Saturday) tomorrow so she doesn't accidentally forget when she goes to make next week's schedule on Thursday.  The Halloween party's gonna be amazing.  I'm still not sure of everything I'm wearing.  Will we be inside or outside most of the time?  I guess the weather will be similar to at the Memorial Day party.  It was really chilly. 

I'm bringing a pumpkin.  I'll probably carve it at my house first so it's not so heavy.  XD 

9:30pm

The new health food shop is going to be right near my work.  It will be four times the size of the original store, and have a juice bar in it.  There's still no official opening date yet.  I could DIE of joy.

Right down the street from the original health food shop there's also a CPS shop, a fairy/nature(/CPS?) shop, and an Irish pub (which I got stew from with Cameron today.  IT WAS SO GOOD.).  My next day off I want to walk around that area and check out all the places.  And the other health food shop across the street from the one I go to that I still haven't been to yet.  There are apartments in that area too.  And it's all in like a half hour walking distance, in a nice neighborhood.  That's where I want to live as soon as I have my degree paid for and own a car.  If I moved there right after getting my degree, I'd be paying rent out the ass and wouldn't be able to afford a car.  So even though I'll be mostly walking, I still need to get a car first.

They have mint chocolate swirl ice cream (at the original health food shop XD) that's made from rice milk.  It's AMAZING.  I think I like it better than Bryers.  No milk after-taste.  Excellent texture and flavor.  Not so good once it's melted, but it melts very slowly.  The chocolate swirls are fudgey and minty.  Not sure if I like that so much.  The new store should have more flavors.  I think they have it at Giant Beagle too.  Maybe they have more flavors.  Unless they only have the rice milk, and not the ice cream.  Anyway, it's called Good Karma (Rice Divine).  Let's check it oooout!

I want to make a work people list too.  Yes.

Cindy (aka: Hitler/Christine2):  Self explanatory.

Anne:  HILARIOUS.  25.  Has a 5 year old daughter.  I thought she was like eighteen and was so shocked about the kid.  LOL   We take the (breaded) soooole train to Clam Town whenever one (or one hundred) opens up, and we mimic Hitler when she's off.  We salute each other when it's time for our lunch breaks.

Justin (aka: Daddy/Captain/Squirrelaroo):  Jealous because he was off the day me and Anne formed 67687963123 inside jokes.  Slacker.  Dave the Laugh.  Drinks and parties a lot.  Squirrelaroo is his species, because stores cheese for winter in his apron pouch.  (Me and Anne are GENIUSES.).  Went to L.A. to try to become a DJ right before I started working there, came back a week later.  Currently trying to figure out if he's capable of developing musical taste.  I'll determine that after he plays some music from the band he was raving about yesterday.  Calls me Meat Man. Smoker (ick, elch, eltche).  We talk about cartoons.  Cameron hates him with a passion.

Jenn:  Went to our "rival school" and does a lot of black head motions when she's got an attitude.  Round, with glasses, same age as me.  I steal her customers and she tries to crush my arms when I try to get meat out of the case.  XD  She tells me about how her old boyfriend cheated on her and how she thought she might have been pregnant a while back.  I sit there and nod, trying not to hurl at the idea of someone touching a person that physically terrifying.  She constantly tells me I'm weird.  I tell her I know.  Anne can't stand her.  Justin asked if I'd stab her with a poison dart in the break room if he gave me one.  I said I'd think about it.

Pam:  Tiny, cute grandma type.  From England, and therefore so much fun to hear talk.  All of our customers from the UK talk to her, and bring her newspapers from London, etc.  Really cool.

Ed:  Best person to close with 'cause he's so laid back.  Probably in like his sixties.  From New York.  Light-hearted.  Hates Cindy's bullshit.  Starts chats when it's not busy instead of making us clean the world in silence.

Mary:  Greatest demo person ever.  Me and Anne always hope she's going to give out samples.  Speaks kind of slowly.  Really nice.  "Come on over here and get a sample.  I have breaded soooole.  I have clams here ready for sampling.  One just opened up."   Good times, good times.  When I brought Cameron in to introduce him to everyone, she said we were so cute walking around the... stooore together.  ^-^

Maryanne:  Usually nice, but snapped at us for talking the other day (bizarre).  She's the one who sneakily threw away chicken because she was annoyed by Cindy being Cindy.  She shakes.  Like a chihuahua.

Myra:  Nice.  In her forties or fifties.  Good to close with.  She said she likes closing with me.  ^-^  Her and Justin joking around together is REALLY hilarious.  She laughs really hard at a lot of the "that's what she said" type of jokes.  Only they're usually worse.  XD  She'd make a much better manager than Cindy.

The Sushi Chef (whose name I still don't know):  Really nice.  Cute.  Thick Japanese accent.  Should let Niki live with her.  LOL

That's everyone in the deli (I hope I didn't forget anyone  LOL).  Unless you count a couple people from the seafood department who come over to help when we're short-handed.  Outside of the deli there's my friends from school, Mary who trained me (I'm her unofficial dietician XD), John from the kitchen, and Cathy and Corrine up front who I talk to the most in the breakroom.

I got my first five-day-week paycheck yesterday. 

$240

I deserve a juicer.

4:30pm

1. Everything I love about fall starts to come (that would be a list in itself ^-^).
2. Along with my first paycheck.
3. The arrival of Wen (which I'm ordering today).
4. The ability to have a cup of high quality organic tea every day.
5. The ability to have a green smoothie every day (before my mom gets home).
6. The ability to buy myself or a friend something small without guilt.
7. Less time to worry about silly things.
8. Less time around my mother.
9. Feeling like I have a purpose.
10. Making more friends at work.
11. Me and my best friends all making more money (Cameron got more hours at work).
12. Seeing more sunrises.
13. Feeling more independent, less reliant.
14. Feeling healthier.
15. Gaining confidence from my job forcing me to be less shy, and seeing the results.
16. Feeling better about myself.
17. Being a better friend (because I can focus more on them when I when I'm with them, since I won't have my own problems distracting me.)
18. Getting to sample a new kind of cheese whenever I want (during my breaks, of course).
19. Seeing my store's chocolate section and allowing myself to indulge.
20. Buying amazingly prepared salmon (or chicken, or whatever else) during my lunch breaks.
21. Buying fresh, wild Alaskan salmon (or organic salmon imported from Ireland) and making sushi with Niki.
22. Seeing if the sushi at work is better than at Giant Beagle (it looks the same).
23. Going to the fondue restaurant.
24. And of course, the series that follows the end of lonelygirl15, The Resistance.  XD

8:30pm

So, I've attempted to buy healthy food to give me energy and motivate me to get my ass into gear, but I can't afford to buy enough of it for that to really work.  But, that's okay.  I've found a really great store that I want to work at even more than the health food store (because it's bigger, fancier, and has WAY more organic and local stuff... and it's closer).  And the best part is, I can apply online.  XD  So, at some point today, when I stop feeling so tired, I'm going to do that.

I can't believe how long I slept last night.  I went to bed at 2am and woke up at 3:45pm.  I never sleep more than twelve hours unless I'm sick.  I wonder if all the raw organic fruits and veggies I've been having this week are doing a bit of a detox number on me.  I really don't know what else would make me so tired.

I think I'm a bit clingy.  I get sad if it gets to like 8:30pm and Cameron hasn't contacted me in any way.  It makes me feel forgotten.  Or if I don't see Niki for like a week, I get scared that she doesn't want to hang out with me.  I try to let my friends initiate the plan-making every once in a while, just to make sure they actually want to be around me.  Am I just paranoid?  Maybe I wouldn't feel like this if I had more friends.

I just went outside to bring the trash can back to the garage and get the mail.  The sky was the pinkest I've ever seen, and the most brilliant molten, glowing gold near the horizon.  Is it sad that that phrase makes me think of moltres flying up into the sky in Pokemon Snap?  Anyway, that gave me more energy than I've had all day, so I'm definitely doing my application now.  Go me!

Friday, August 15th

1am

That's right, kiddies, I've just woken up.  I went to bed at 8pm (after having woken yesterday at 3pm from a TERRIBLE night's/half-day's sleep).  And I had some left over green smoothie.  I actually like it better after it's been in the fridge.  It's a bit thicker (probably because of the coconut oil, which becomes solid around 75F) and it tastes like blueberry applesauce.  Because it basically is.  LOL  I will have so much fun making baby food for my kiddies someday.  Why do I keep saying kiddies?

So, yesterday, when I got up it was because my mom was coming home and wanted to take me to the farmers' market!  I was so excited!  I think the reason she's buying vegetables is because I told her I was gonna start buying them for myself.  The real question is... is she trying to save me money, or trying to maintain her role as food dictator?  The world may never knoooow.

So, then we came home, I had an apple and brushed my teef, and we were off to the dentist!  I love my dentist.  She is SO nice.  I wanna be best friends with her.  LOL  Really, though, she's just so friendly.  The dentist I had as a child was TERRIFYING and seemed to hate children.  When I had to have teeth extracted, she wouldn't let me close my eyes when I got scared.  She'd say closing my eyes would make me more scared, and yelled at me to keep them open!  So I had to watch the novocaine needle inching toward my gums.  I swear the syringe played the Jaws music.

Compare that to my current dentist, who takes notes on what you talk about, and offers tips on fun places to work.  Her favorite place to work when she was in college was Krispy Kreme, because everyone who came in was so happy. XD!!!  Also, every time I come in, she compliments my teeth.  Today she said,"I love cleaning your teeth.  They're so pretty.  They have a nice color."  I just sat there with my mouth open.  Because she had her hook in there.  The tiny one for scraping, that is.  She's no pirate.  

But yeah, it's actually a family business.  Her dad owns the place.  I guess he does my mom's teeth sometimes, but I've never had him.  She's young, like late twenties to early thirties.  And really cutesy.  I think it's mostly because of her tiny little voice.  LOL  Maybe that's why I like her so much, because it reminds me of my friend Lindsay (Michelle's sister) who, oddly enough, is studying to be a dentist.  XD  I miss Lindsay.  And Mesa.  And Michelle.  I wonder if Michelle is still in China.  She went there this summer with a foreign exchange student she's friends with.

Anyway, then we went to Burger King.  ^-^

The very beginning of Monday, August 10th

Midnight

I know I should probably have some sort of excuse for why I haven't written in a while, but I don't.  Yes, my mom and I had a HUGE argument and she took the internet box away for a few days because of it, but I've had it back for three or four days and I just didn't feel like talking about my life.  There's too much to say, and not nearly enough words currently in my personal vocabulary.  I'll try to catch you up.  Short and sweet.  Ish.

My mom's a BITCH and I'm stuck with her until she throws me out.

I can't let her throw me out yet because I can't get student loans and have to save up for college by working.

Which means I have to live here.  Near a bus stop.

The government is an even bigger bitch than my mom.

Fuck them for knowing NOTHING about health, and not putting worthy schools on their list.

Now it'll take months for me to save up what I need to start classes.

Niki's graduation party was a LOT of fun.

She's got a job now.

I've got more ideas for places to look for work. 

Trying offices next.

I'm turning all my applications in on the same day so I hear back from them all at once (more or less).

Gramma might not move in with us.

If it weren't for the bunnies, the trees, and the hawks, I'd wish we'd never moved out.

There was a big, shiny black spider in my room last night.

I tried to catch it in an empty ice cream bucket to let it outside but it escaped and I lost it.

I shut my bedroom door and slept on the couch.

I still don't know where it is and I'm scared to sleep in my room tonight.

There are some spiders that cause your flesh to decay when they bite you.

And others that just kill you.

So I feel that I have a good reason to be terrified.

I'm out of water AGAIN and can't get to the store until Monday unless I get a ride.

Which I won't.

I miss Niki already and fear that with us both working, we'll never see each other.

I'm scared of losing more friends.

I only have two. 

Three if you count Aunt Donna.

But we still haven't talked much yet.

I've been drawing, singing, and dancing more.

I feel like I'm wasting my life.

Nothing I do seems to have a purpose.

And no purpose I work towards seems certain enough to be worth the effort.

And I'm terrified that I won't be able to get a good enough job with the degree I want.

And that with my first job, I'll end up having to spend that money on another degree that I don't even like.

I've spent the last nineteen years waiting for my life to start.

I can't bear to think that working my ass off for (roughly) the next two years will lead me right back to here.

I'm scared that Cameron's new extreme passion for music is going to leave me in the dust.

Even though he says he only wants to sing with me.

And I'm scared that he'll dive head first into a new major that won't get him a job.

And that because of that he'll be in his parents' house for another ten years.

There's no way in hell he could survive that long with them.

I feel so alone.

I'm also addicted to lonelygirl15 and the Dragon Wars app on myspace. 

How pathetic is that?

I haven't even played SyrupTales in like a month.

And I'm ONE level away from finally becoming a wizard.

And I have no life.

And I still can't spend any money.

My bank account is taunting me.

I just want some vegetables.

Every day.

And clean water that isn't full of poison.

And mascara.  Because I've been trying to convince myself to buy more for a YEAR.

And my skin looks horrible.

Because when I get really upset or nervous, my fingers attack every imperfect pore they can find.

I decided today that I'm not going to do that anymore. 

I won't touch my face (or neck) unless I'm washing it or putting on makeup.

I hate this place.

On the bright side... today I got an envelope from the bank and opened it.

And then I found ten dollars.

Hello, water fund.

Tuesday, July 22nd

11:56pm

I've always been the girl whose friends come to her for advice.  But what happens when I don't know what to do either?  I feel like not being able to fix someone else's problem is just as bad as creating it in the first place.  I really shouldn't, because it's completely illogical, but I don't know how else to deal with it.  Failing your friend is just... it makes me cry.  I hate letting people down.

Niki's dealing with some serious crap, as usual, and I can't help her.  I feel like the worst friend in the world just because I don't know how to fix her problems.  I shouldn't feel like that.  I can't fix half of my own problems, but I don't beat myself up over that.  At least not as much.  It's NOT my fault that I'm out of ideas, and it's NOT my fault that she can't afford to get an apartment right now.  But I feel like even she thinks I'm a terrible friend and a horrible person for giving her a dose of reality and telling her that.  IT'S NOT MY FUCKING FAULT!  WHY DO I FEEL SO AWFUL?!  Don't shoot the fucking messenger.  Ugh. 

I only disagree with her when she's doing something that I think is harmful to herself.  I'm allowed to have my own opinions every once in a while.  Even if I look at her point of view, I'm allowed to say it doesn't make sense, isn't logical, or even that I think it's wrong.  And if she prefers to do things that I think are harmful, that's fine, that's her decision.  But I should still be able to tell her what I think without being the insensitive ass.  Now I'm annoyed, and will most definitely come across as one.  I need to vent.  Everyone needs to let their inner opinionated bitch out now and again.

That being said, here are my frank and possibly rude opinions.

I think it's stupid to choose living with her dad (and sharing a room with Nick) over living with her mom.

• He has no job.  No house.  No money.  No food.  He doesn't even like Nick right now. 
• She wouldn't even sleep in Nick's room the other night because he hadn't showered in a week.  Even when there is hot water, he doesn't shower unless she forces him to.  His sheets and laundry would stink up the entire room.  She could never tolerate that room and would find herself a couch (which she'd hate) to avoid the smell. 
• He'll probably end up living with Gina as soon as she gets over their most recent fight.

• At her mom's she could have her own room.  With a bed.  Apparently it's uncomfortably small.  I say, suck it up.  As small as it is, it's a hell of a lot better than sharing a room or being a hobo (her only other option that exists in this state).  It's temporary anyway, so just DEAL with it, because it's the best there is right now.  And there will be food.  And places nearby where she can earn money.

Staying with Lynn should not be ruled out before she even visits her.

• There is nothing in the damn town worth her staying for.  Or even fucking coming back for.  None of the people here who she wants to spend time with ever feel the same way except for me.  And I'll be moving to the east coast as soon as I can anyway.  And she can bring Nick with her, though I doubt he'd want to go.  There's an ultimatum that'd show how much he cares.
• Lynn offered to pay to put her through school there and hook her up with a job she'd love.  She wouldn't make these offers if she didn't really care.  Niki would not have to worry about feeling like a burden because of that.  Which I think she feels like with her parents.
• She'd have everything she needs to be comfortable while she figures out who she is and what she wants to do with her life.  Food, a bed, the choice to do whatever she wants at any given moment, friends, pets, spending money, spare time, fun trips.  To be perfectly honest, if it didn't mean leaving Cameron behind, I'd go live with Lynn!

And now Niki's back and not mad at me... or even at all.  So I'm gonna feel like a complete ass for still posting this, but it IS what I feel, so it SHOULD be in my journal.  Right?  Oy.

Also.  I hate when I'm talking to her and then all of a sudden it's Chris.  Can she not take a piss without you stealing the computer?  Back off brotha.

Okay.  Deep breath...       and....

Save.