8 posts tagged “home”

Still Tuesday (<---- No!)
11pm

I stayed home because my feet and back were so soooore that I could not bear to shuffle about a juice bar for eight hours in agony.  I'm gonna talk to D. Dawg himself about cutting my hours so that I don't have to keep calling off from back-owies and near mental breakdowns. 

With my free time I'll be able to do things like I did today:

• Make tea
• Buy an inexpensive camera on the internet.
• Type journals.
• Send emails.
• Return phone calls.
• Listen to soothing music.
• Make a t-shirt pattern.
• Practice yoga.
• Partake in a fourth of a bit of blissful mind-altering paper.
• Contemplate life, the universe, and everything.
• Contemplate the Girl Club Ganesha-Squid god.
  
• Make jewelry.
• Do laundry.
• Sleep in.
• Do my makeup.
  
• Fast.
• Tune my chakras.
• Go to the bank.
• Look at cute little squirrels on the way home from the bank.
• Ramble at Young Bryan about Einstein's theory of gravity while he's trying to read.
• LBRP
• Sit on the back porch and enjoy fall.

At Niki's

Tuesday

January 13th, 2009

2pm

Happy New Year.

Everything is constantly changing.  I got a new job in the health food store I love so much, working in the juice bar.  I miss my deli buddies, but my new job is so much better and I'm making good friends.  Too bad they'll all eventually quit and/or move to California.  Christmas was full of Hello Kitty.  Cameron's becoming a voice actor and plans to get a house with a couple of his friends after this semester.  I'm not ready to move in with him yet, but I'm still not sure what my plans for moving out are.  I'm still saving for my degree and need a car/license before I feel comfortable moving out.  Niki's back to obsessing over guys and forgetting the rest of the world exists.  Who's the real Hachi in this friendship?  I miss her.  Even though we're in the same room. 

She's getting on a plane (or two) by herself to go half way across the country to see this guy.  But she's scared to take the bus 15 minutes down the street by herself.

I got a Nintendo DS (and Pokemon Mystery Dungeon / Hello Kitty PDA software) and DDR for my PS2.

I just bought an Aquasana shower filter to celebrate my first paycheck from my new job.

Cameron said his parents are thinking about giving or letting me borrow their laptop that they don't really need anymore to use for school.  They think I'm just taking online classes from the local community college I went to for a semester and a half (ish), and don't know about the grandma-box situation.  If they decide not to, I'm going to get a credit card and start building up good credit by buying a laptop (that I can afford to pay off right away).  Hopefully I'll be back online soon.

My mom's getting off work now.  Cameron didn't answer his phone, so I think he's in a class.  I really need to see him. 

I'm not taking the bus because apparently there's a rapist/theif with a gun on the loose (local enough for concern).  I guess I'll end up leaving with my mom while Niki's still asleep.

I told Niki last night how I was upset about her ignoring me to talk to Brett the last three times I've come over.  I tried all evening to get her to pay attention to me, but she was more interested in talking to him.  Even though it's all she does, and she only sees me once a week (or less).  I told her I don't care if she wants to talk to him, but that she shouldn't tell me she's going to hang out with me if she's just going to ignore me. 

I finally got her to shut off the computer and watch the Nana anime with me, but I could tell she didn't want to and just felt bad about upsetting me.  After the first episode ended she went in the bathroom and didn't come out for at least a half hour.  I cleaned up the kitchen and got ready for bed.  I wasn't enjoying forcing her to hang out with me, so I rolled over like fifteen minutes after she came back.  I heard her get on the phone with Brett.  I shut off the tv.

I don't know why I bother.

Thirteen days until I turn twenty.

I think I'll build a snowman when I get home.

8:06pm

You have no right to forget me.

I'm an amazing listener.

I love with all that I am.

I make people happy.

I'm deep.

I fight to the death.

I don't care who the hell you are.

I'm better than you.

So why can't I let it go...

Without running away from home?

So, after a bit of studying, I may get to be the person at work who recommends fancy cheeses to people.  Because I luffs cheese.  I've been working my ass off all week, so it's pretty sore.  XD  Really just my legs and upper back.  And my feet.  And my lower back.  ... Okay, pretty much everywhere.  I worked Friday, yesterday, and today.  Nine hours each day.  An hour lunch and two fifteen minute breaks were the only time I got to sit.

Also, this weekend was the garage sale, so I spent most of my non-working time heaving boxes and sorting through crap.  And I spent Friday night at Niki's, brought her a tiny nom to cheer her up from her boyfriend moving (though he was THERE for a visit already.  XD) and we watched the NANA movie!  So great.  And had chicken sammiches of JOY.

Yesterday, I finished bringing in everything from the garage sale that we didn't sell (or give to charity afterwards) home, I went to go take a shower because I'd been working all day before that and just felt gross.  So, my mom stops me and says I have a package.  IT WAS WEN.  OH.  MY.  GOD.  My hair has NEVER been so soft in my life.  And I also used it as a body wash AND facial cleanser (added salt to make it a scrub for those two).  I felt (and smelled) soooo clean and I'm so soft.  But not a greasy, overmoisturized soft.  A perfect moisture balance I've never experienced.  I'm so happy.  I'll never have to buy another bath product again.

Anyway, after my AMAZING shower, I scarfed down two slices of pizza, and Cameron took me to see Mamma Mia!  XD  It was SO fucking hilarious.  I loved it.  We sang along.  XD  Everyoned did.  LOL  Who can resist singing "Dancing Queen" at ALL?   I mean, come on.  XD

So then, today I thoooought Cameron was getting off work at six.  He said he'd take me home from work today, but I got off at four and needed to kill time until he got off.  I went to this fancy little ice cream place near work and got a sundae shaped like a puppy, which was INCREDIBLE.  And I still had over an hour, so I decided to start walking towards his work, so he wouldn't have to go out of his way as much to pick me up.

Well.  It turns out, he actually got off work at five.  And he was out looking for me, and calling me, but my phone had no signal where I was walking so it never rang.  It was about 5:45, and I was almost at his work when my phone finally rang, and he was FREAKING OUT because he couldn't find me, and had already gone home.  He went in my work and searched the place for me.  Oy.  But yeah.  Since he had gone home, I just called my mom and she gave me a ride home.  Crazy fucking situation.

I had a cherry danish.

And decaf black-vanilla organic tea.

Not at the same time.

But I still loved them.

4:30pm

1. Everything I love about fall starts to come (that would be a list in itself ^-^).
2. Along with my first paycheck.
3. The arrival of Wen (which I'm ordering today).
4. The ability to have a cup of high quality organic tea every day.
5. The ability to have a green smoothie every day (before my mom gets home).
6. The ability to buy myself or a friend something small without guilt.
7. Less time to worry about silly things.
8. Less time around my mother.
9. Feeling like I have a purpose.
10. Making more friends at work.
11. Me and my best friends all making more money (Cameron got more hours at work).
12. Seeing more sunrises.
13. Feeling more independent, less reliant.
14. Feeling healthier.
15. Gaining confidence from my job forcing me to be less shy, and seeing the results.
16. Feeling better about myself.
17. Being a better friend (because I can focus more on them when I when I'm with them, since I won't have my own problems distracting me.)
18. Getting to sample a new kind of cheese whenever I want (during my breaks, of course).
19. Seeing my store's chocolate section and allowing myself to indulge.
20. Buying amazingly prepared salmon (or chicken, or whatever else) during my lunch breaks.
21. Buying fresh, wild Alaskan salmon (or organic salmon imported from Ireland) and making sushi with Niki.
22. Seeing if the sushi at work is better than at Giant Beagle (it looks the same).
23. Going to the fondue restaurant.
24. And of course, the series that follows the end of lonelygirl15, The Resistance.  XD

Thursday, August 21st

5:12pm

I wish I could help you.   In a way that didn't involve throwing both of our futures away to struggle at shitty jobs to barely make rent and never be able to save up for college.  Putting up with my mother every day is easier.  And smarter.  I'll only be here a few years before having a job I love, whereas the struggling may have never been escapable.  But I still feel selfish and guilty all the time for not throwing everything away to get an apartment with you and maybe ease your stress a bit.  Even though I know it's better not to in the long run.  And not just for me. 

Not that it matters, because you want to do the same thing to live with your dad anyway.  But what the hell do I know?  It's not like I know how hard it is to live in a hell hole with people who don't care about you, right?  It's not like I understand how it feels to have nowhere to escape to, and no one to talk to, right?  It's not like I had an opportunity to get out by working shitty jobs to barely get by for years and never get a chance to make more money, right?   It's not like I've been in the same fucking situation, only with a worse home situation and only one parent to start with, right?  Right?!  It's not like I'd be able to give good advice based on my experience.  It's not like my words are worth considering.  Of course not.  I'm just like everyone else trying to tell you how to live your life.  We're just too different.  I just don't understand.

It kills me to see you hurt so much, and know all I can do is watch and wait until you figure out how to fix your life on your own.  I'm not used to not being needed.  I'm not used to my words being worthless.  It's hard to just watch you suffer. 

But you don't want help.  No one understands your problems enough to help.

I may not agree with your decisions, but only because I know you're capable of doing better for yourself.  You're my best friend.  I'm not trying to judge you, I'm trying to protect and guide you when your parents won't.  I think I know who you are now better than they do anyway.  But if you want to do things on your own, go ahead.  I wish you the best of luck in whatever you do. Even if I don't like it.  And I'll still be here to catch you if you fall, without an "I told you so" or a frown.    

That's love.  That's family.  That's home.

So please don't push me away.  I care too much.

Tuesday, August 19th

3:33am

On Saturday I went to a party.  Aunt Donna ordered two pepperoni pizzas and a bucket of mild wings.  Cameron taught everyone to play "Bud" and made a keytar out of Niki's keyboard and Christian's Guitar Hero... guitar handle thing.  I danced until 8am with Aunt Donna while she told me about how fucked up she was, and was amazed (about ten times) at how we're both first sopranos.  Chris, Devin, and Nick headbanged like the whole time.  Christian went to bed before like 3am.  Niki made tacos forever.  Brandon passed out inside the house and was curled in a ball and laughing hysterically.  He was the only one in the room.  Everyone took pictures.  Aunt Donna nearly fell in the fire, but was caught by Uncle Ray (while sticking her arm out and shouting,"Save my beer!"  Devin threw up Chinese food and made sure everyone knew that it was because of how drunk he was.  He also gave me a pretty stone (tiger's eye).  I fell asleep on a really cool Tempurpedic imitation thing on the floor around 8:30am and woke up around 3pm.

I like parties. 

Sunday, I saw Pirates of the Caribbean for the first time (yes, the first time).  Aunt Donna ordered two pepperoni pizzas and a bucket of mild wings.  Again.  I cleaned up Aunt Donna's yard and made an art project out of the bottles.  Me, Devin, and Chris played with bamboo.  Devin smiled into a bucket of chicken.  Aunt Sandy gave me a ride home, I took a shower, and slept like a rock.

Today, I played a bit of SyrupTales, found a really fascinating (and sad) journal that's quite nearly a novel, and "played legos" with Cameron.  We did actually play with pink legos, that's just not ALL we did.  *wink wink*  We are so talented.  I love us.  Mostly him.  XD  And he drove me to the store to get green smoothie supplies, and they were OOOOUT, so I had to get romaine.  I got an orange to try to make up for my lack-of-spinach sadness.  And I got Cameron to eat blueberries and he liked them!  ^-^  Well.  The big, sweet ones at least.  But it's a start!  I nearly cried with joy!  BLUBURRIES!

My mom came out here a half hour ago, all sleepy and looking utterly confused.

"What are you doing?  Go to bed."

Wii

I think I shall.

How fucking cool is this?!  My mom and gramma left for our trip to West Virginia without me!  And they won't be back until Sunday!  I stayed home because me and Cameron have some business related business to take care of. 

And also I want to go to Devin's 18th birthday party on Saturday.  XD  Apparently it's going to be "the party to end all parties" and will be even bigger than the Memorial Day party.  WHICH WAS HUGE.  At least to me.  It was the first actual party I'd ever been to.  You know, the type where there's drinking and dancing and live music (well, sort of).  It was incredible!  There were maybe thirty people there, and about three of us who didn't have any b00z0rz.

...

WELL.  It's been a solid eleven hours or so since I started typing that.  Cameron came over.  And then I needed a couple fixes.  I'm a youtube addict.  I spent a good amount of time watching CommunityChannel and Kicesie's Sex Ed.  But first I spent like three hours researching herbs.  I love herbs.  And then I took a bath with sea salt and peppermint tea bags.  Niki's spending the night tomorrow.  Probably after another CamcamHappyFunBootyCallTimez™.

Have I mentioned no one's allowed in the house?