3 posts tagged “internet”
I just got the internet in my apartment today. My apartment that I moved into and stole half of from Bryan two months ago. My tummy's full of heavy noms and I have no idea how late it is. I have really great sex. Can I just say that right up front? And so many cuddles. And adventures. I went hiking with Young Bryan yesterday through these crazy-ass caves and cliffs that look like they're from Legends of the Hidden Temple only... real. There was even a cool little waterfall we drank from. And found lots of little pr0nfilming nooks and tested one out a bit. I love my adventures with Bryan. XD
And the day before that I went swimming with Chris (young cousin) at the beach and got him caught up on my life and whatnot. Next week I'm probably staying the night at Aunt Sandy's Monday night, so that on Tuesday Morning me, Chris, and maybe Devin and/or Christian (ALL COUSINS, WE ARE PLENTIFUL!!!) can go to the beach near their hood and go splorin'.
I'm listening to old deo's Shadow episodes. I miss that show bigtime. It's a pagan podcast.
Today, I called Mike to invite him over, and he was really stressing about a lot of stuff. Money, finding a new job, sick gramma, stressed family, etc. So, he came over and we cuddled, played with the computer, had incredible sex, rubbed chocolate all over each other in the shower afterwards, got all smoked up, and went out for bison burgers. I like having someone to take care of just a little bit. But not to the point where they need me to survive. I like to spoil Mike, and he spoils me back. ^-^ And we talk about a lot of stuff. We're really alike personality-wise and he likes being a silly five year old with me, including the little voices. And we can relate on a lot of deep emotional levels, both painful and pleasurable. But most of the time, he's just plain fun.
When Bryan got home from work today, he was in a shitty mood, and had this big sad rant about his jealousy and such, because I guess Mike has a habit of forgetting to flush his baseball cards, so Bryan knows like exactly when we've had sex. That was a downer, but what the hell am I supposed to do? He's the one who keeps telling me I should be free to love whoever, however. I know it's hard, and that he wants to learn to overcome jealousy, but I still feel an urge to try to fix his problems, which makes me start thinking I should change things to suit his needs... but that's not what he wants, or what I want. I just want us to all be happy and express how we feel about each other in peace.
Anyway, Bryan did a banishing to get rid of his negative energy, and then we got all smoked up (such a stoner day, holy shit XD) and I showed him ALL the unicorns. Charlies one through three and all of Planet Unicorn. Lucky Star is next. XD By the way, Charlie the Unicorn should be experienced with pot by everyone who's interested in both of them. XD As should a lot of other things. Pink Floyd, sex, walking around at night, bison, etc.
Bryan showed me he's a gargoyle. It was amazing.
The very beginning of Monday, August 10th
Midnight
I know I should probably have some sort of excuse for why I haven't written in a while, but I don't. Yes, my mom and I had a HUGE argument and she took the internet box away for a few days because of it, but I've had it back for three or four days and I just didn't feel like talking about my life. There's too much to say, and not nearly enough words currently in my personal vocabulary. I'll try to catch you up. Short and sweet. Ish.
My mom's a BITCH and I'm stuck with her until she throws me out.
I can't let her throw me out yet because I can't get student loans and have to save up for college by working.
Which means I have to live here. Near a bus stop.
The government is an even bigger bitch than my mom.
Fuck them for knowing NOTHING about health, and not putting worthy schools on their list.
Now it'll take months for me to save up what I need to start classes.
Niki's graduation party was a LOT of fun.
She's got a job now.
I've got more ideas for places to look for work.
Trying offices next.
I'm turning all my applications in on the same day so I hear back from them all at once (more or less).
Gramma might not move in with us.
If it weren't for the bunnies, the trees, and the hawks, I'd wish we'd never moved out.
There was a big, shiny black spider in my room last night.
I tried to catch it in an empty ice cream bucket to let it outside but it escaped and I lost it.
I shut my bedroom door and slept on the couch.
I still don't know where it is and I'm scared to sleep in my room tonight.
There are some spiders that cause your flesh to decay when they bite you.
And others that just kill you.
So I feel that I have a good reason to be terrified.
I'm out of water AGAIN and can't get to the store until Monday unless I get a ride.
Which I won't.
I miss Niki already and fear that with us both working, we'll never see each other.
I'm scared of losing more friends.
I only have two.
Three if you count Aunt Donna.
But we still haven't talked much yet.
I've been drawing, singing, and dancing more.
I feel like I'm wasting my life.
Nothing I do seems to have a purpose.
And no purpose I work towards seems certain enough to be worth the effort.
And I'm terrified that I won't be able to get a good enough job with the degree I want.
And that with my first job, I'll end up having to spend that money on another degree that I don't even like.
I've spent the last nineteen years waiting for my life to start.
I can't bear to think that working my ass off for (roughly) the next two years will lead me right back to here.
I'm scared that Cameron's new extreme passion for music is going to leave me in the dust.
Even though he says he only wants to sing with me.
And I'm scared that he'll dive head first into a new major that won't get him a job.
And that because of that he'll be in his parents' house for another ten years.
There's no way in hell he could survive that long with them.
I feel so alone.
I'm also addicted to lonelygirl15 and the Dragon Wars app on myspace.
How pathetic is that?
I haven't even played SyrupTales in like a month.
And I'm ONE level away from finally becoming a wizard.
And I have no life.
And I still can't spend any money.
My bank account is taunting me.
I just want some vegetables.
Every day.
And clean water that isn't full of poison.
And mascara. Because I've been trying to convince myself to buy more for a YEAR.
And my skin looks horrible.
Because when I get really upset or nervous, my fingers attack every imperfect pore they can find.
I decided today that I'm not going to do that anymore.
I won't touch my face (or neck) unless I'm washing it or putting on makeup.
I hate this place.
On the bright side... today I got an envelope from the bank and opened it.
And then I found ten dollars.
Hello, water fund.
Friday
1:30pm
While it is a day meant to celebrate our "freedom" from a much better country, I must try to remind myself that I should be happy about it, because if my ancestors had not come to this land and "mingled" with the natives, I would not be here to type this. Shame they won the war though, eh? Thanks anyway, guys.
Sorry it's been so long. First I spend like an entire week at Niki's, and was simply having too much fun (AND WALKING TOO MUCH. HOLY SHIT.) to type. Then after I got back home, my mom decided I don't do enough chores to deserve internet access. Fine, mother. I won't use the computer. But don't come complaining to me when you're sad because you pay all this money out every month for absolutely no reason.
Anyway, I managed to get it back two days ago (after spending the entire day pulling weeds and mowing the lawn) but I just couldn't be bothered to type until now.
So, during my week at Niki's (more or less) I experienced many things. There was walking. And some more walking. Lots of penises and drunk girls. (Aunt Sandy's bachelorette party.) Dancing ALL night (ending around 6am when I went for a walk). Getting invited to an Autumnal Equinox bonfire at my aunt's. A metric shit-ton of Pokemon. Pizza. Crisis. Parents sucking at being parents. Rain. Sun. Waiting four hours for Wendy's to open and then deciding not to take Devin's money. Sitting awkwardly while Devin and Chris ate. Walking. Getting invited to the bridal shower at 10pm. Tv shows about fat people. Being Aunt Sandy's "amateur nutritionist" until the wedding. About six more shit-tons of pokemon. Spending ten years trying to get a ride to the store. Flat tire. Walking in the rain. At night. Imagining being pulled over for weaving on the sidewalk. Hiding my cards for fear of them being stolen. Along with everything else I brought over. The Espeon-Charmeleon incident. Niki, the fairest bitch of them all. XD Amazing water from Iceland. Strawberries. Blueberries. Making the best blueberry pancakes ever with Niki. Poo that looked like charcoal from eating so many blueberries... and that's probably a good place to stop.
I felt a bit slow for not realizing it earlier, but I've figured out what I want to do with my life... as far as a first career goes. I'm going to be a nutritionist. I've been interested in how food affects the body since like sixth grade when my mom took interest in Somersizing (Suzanne Somers' weight loss eating plan), and over the last year or so I've become completely obsessed with natural health. And people are always asking me, you know, "Is this healthy? What about this?" And I'm always trying to push my views about food on other people, so what better job would the be for me than telling people what to eat?! XD!!! I just can't believe it took me so long to figure out. It wasn't until I started planning stuff with Aunt Sandy that it really clicked.
The problem was, though, that my college didn't have a program for that. So, I started researching and in just a few hours I found my dream school. It's an online school, so I wont have a schedule to work around when I try to get a job (SOON). It's almost the same price as Land O'Lakes. EVERY class is directly related to the career. There are no pointless unrelated requirements. You can work at your own pace, so as long as I can afford it, I can finish up faster. Anyway, it's called Clayton College of Natural Health. It's accredited by a credible-looking source, though the accreditor is not on the U.S. Department of Education's list. That doesn't mean that the material and degrees are not legitimate, though. It ony means that graduates of the college won't be able to participate in certain federally sponsored events that require the title (Ph.D., etc.) they earned there. I looked through the list and there isn't even an accreditor there that's for nutrition in any way shape or form. Fuck you, Department of Education. You and your love o'drugs. I may become an herbalist too.
I also met a lovely dragonfly when I was weeding the front flowerbed. I really wish I'd never sat on my camera. I still can't afford to get a new one yet. I don't even know if I'll be able to afford my books for school. My mom offered to help me with my books a few weeks back if I couldn't afford it. I may have to use the $150 that Cameron gave me for graduation to use for an emergency. The tuition is quite literally all of my savings. I'll have thirty-five dollars left. So now I can't even get a laptop yet. Gimme dat jarb.
I've started doing yoga again. I've finally managed to get myself on a... not quite NORMAL, but rather, an EARLIER sleeping schedule. I've been waking up in time to do this yoga program that's on at 6am on the Oxygen network, called Inhale. I discovered it after staying up all night watching infomercials one new years eve (or rather, day) a few years back. I would stop for different reasons. Either I'd have to go to school half way through, or they would replace it for a while with Xena, or I just couldn't bother to get up that early, etc., etc. For the last year though, my main reason was that my wrist has grown this big crazy bump, and it would hurt when I did poses that require you to put your hands on the floor put weight on them. But, I'm managing to do it without much discomfort, and I'm convinced that it's going to go away. I thought so for a long time, just because it would fluctuate in size, sometimes shrinking. But when Niki's mom mentioned yoga when we were talking about stress last week, I showed her and she said she had the exact same thing and it went away (after some years, but still).
Also, I walked to the library last week (which took about an hour) and picked up a couple books.
