11 posts tagged “life”

I've officially had the best night of my life.  So far.  XD  And it was Saturday night.  I went to a funk show.  In the middle of the woods.  Where funk was played.  By a huge group of crazy looking (mostly black) people in crazy costumes including cheerleader outfits and rainbow wigs.  For a bunch of hippies riding without seatbelts.  Who later spent the entire night and next morning running through the trees and playing with glowsticks.  And I was one of them. 

So here's how it all began...

Early last week, one of Bryan's friends called him up to tell him about this funk show going on in the woods Saturday by this awesome dude.  So, we went up there with Mike, and brought fun stuff like glowsticks and you know, other things.  When we pulled in and were looking for a nice spot to park and camp, this guy asked if he could hop on the back of the truck for a ride up the path.  Well, we let him.  And when we found a nice spot and stopped, he came around front to thank us and offer us a special price on some funky paper... which we eagerly accepted, seeing as we couldn't find it at all when we were there for a show in the spring.

Me and Bryan set up the tent while Mike wandered off in search of the porta-potties, then we all looked around the vendors' booths.  There were all kinds of beautiful things, like drums, jewelry, clothes, and of course all kinds of junky food.  We held off on shopping since it was nearly time for the show, so we headed back to the tent and got ready.  Which of course involved smoking and chewing up paper.  We chewed and chewed until my mouth felt funny and the paper dissolved into nothing as we headed down to the show.  It was already starting to take effect by the time we got there, which surprised me quite a bit because I thought it was supposed to take like an hour.  Then again, I was really high and took a million years to get my millions of layers (it was cold) and put them on.

The show was fucking incredible.  It was an experience that can't really be explained.  But I'll try.  XD  Everything I felt (physically, emotionally, spiritually) was amplified in the most beautiful way.  The funk would draw you in, the passion in everyone's voices would make you feel that you were at the utmost peak of pleasure in every sense, and the funk was all that mattered.  Whoever was singing was like, the grand-daddy master of funk at that moment, and you'd give them their props like it was all you lived for.  And then the next would sing, and it was just the same.  And the whole time, you're dancing and know that you're just as awesome and funky as the one everybody's praising on stage.  It was the same sort of feeling as being in a black church where everybody's wailing their hearts out for their god, only everyone was wailing their hearts out for the funk.  We wanted it, we had it, and we loved it.  And that's all that mattered.  It was a celebration of the passion of life.  The life that continues as an energy reincarnated eternally.

Everything I saw was beautiful.  And not just the swirling patterns in the clouds and sand and mist, or the trees that would curl their leaves in a dance like they were grasping at their own beautiful auras, but also in the dead hunk of a fish I saw being picked at by smaller fish in the water, and in hitting myself in the face really hard with the glowstick I was swinging around on a string.  Everything that anyone said to each other the whole time was basically a version of,"This is awesome!  I feel great!"  "Yeah, me too!" 

Gosh.  There are so many things to write about from that night.  I'll make a list and just fill one in every now and then, 'cause I need to buy some shit online.  XD

• Light saber chick.
• Bubblegum and kitten farts.
• Dewey's Giggity Gangsta Grilled Cheese
• Ryan and the water.
• Grapes.
• Cage / spin the wheel.
• Parade.
• Vines.
• Charlie Brown paper kid / best bud.
• Glowstick Nation.
• Rainbow spiders.
• Happiness / acceptance like kindy should be.
• Medical grade / chat.
• Stump dance.
• Hula hoop chick.
• Jingle bracelet.
• Torch jingling girl.
• The cat when I got home.
• Ninety dollars.

She's jealous.

Her husband is TERRIFYING.

Did she not know he wanted a change?

But she's already made something of herself.

She's made her funky.

Her funky hardcore bob.

Here, kitty, kitty.

Purr for the camera again.

And it's the sluttiest thing ever.

I don't get why she STILL cares.

It's useless to her by now.

Because it's her whole fucking life,  IT'S ALL SHE HAS.

It's her funky.

Funky hardcore bob.

She swishes it around for the cameras now.

And it's the sluttiest thing ever.

IT'S HER HARDCORE BOB

HER FUNKY HARDCORE BOB!

BUT SHE DRESSES LIKE EVERY

FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLD GOTH KID

Now, let me make this clear. 

I have no qualms with her interests or style.

What annoys me.

Is that she's just like everyone else!

What annoys me.

Is her FUNKY

Her funky hardcore bob

That she fluffs in front of the camera again

And it's the sluttiest thing ever

IT'S HER HARDCORE BOB

HER FUNKY HARDCORE BOB

BOY TRIPP PANTS

BAND/MOVIE T-SHIRTS

AND CONVERSE

OH LAAAAAAAWD.

Aaaaah, fantasy.

ABOUT SHOVING GRAMMAR DOWN HER EDUCATED FASE.

Aaaah, fantasy.

Do you?

OH LAAAAWD.

OH LAAAAWD.

FANTASY!

ABOUT HER FUNKY!

FUNKY HARDCORE BOB!

BURSTING INTO FLAME

BURSTING INTO FLAME

AGAIN KITTY KITTY

AGAIN

AGAAAAIN

WITH THE COLORS

SO

UNIQUE

FUCKED UP INSANE STUPID GIRLS

AND IT'S THE SLUTTIEST THING

EVER!

I LOVE DAPHNE!!!!  Best band ever, shut up idiots.  NORTH EAST!!!!

Hi, Jen here.  Pretty much the same one.  But I'm in a whole new world now.  I broke up with Cameron, moved in with Young Bryan, and am in one of the most bizarre love triangles ever between him and Mike.  I live with Bryan, and he's... technically my boyfriend, but we're in an open relationship, so I'm also sort of dating Mike.  But, they're best friends and we're all completely aware of the situation, so it's awkward at times when we're all hanging out.  I love them both.  I just want to be close to the people I care about.

We're all going to be porn stars.  Kickass, eh?

I'm practicing more yoga and studying more magick.  I'm having fun with food and creating things.  I'm learning to live in the moment, for the moment.  I'm experiencing things most people can't even dream about and seeing the world in a million new ways.

I'm happier than I've ever been.

Life is wonderful.

Sunday

April 19th

5:45pm

As of late, it's been pretty effin' snazzy.

I decided to go with a Brother, sewing machine-wise, but I still haven't begun learning to use it yet.  I've been very busy.

I've spent a lot of time making good friends since Niki left.  I'll have to introduce her to all of them WHEN SHE VISITS  *AHEM*.  XD

Me and Alison (friend from work who recently quit) have begun a quest to find the best Irish pub's stew, and she's very excited to have a friend who likes the Disney channel.  XD  We're also filming a music video for our (soon to be chart topping) song "I'm on a Goat".

Young Bryan (also from work, but hasn't quit yet XD) is my newest best friend.  Hanging out with him is like being with my sister again.  I really missed that sort of wild freedom.  We romp through the woods, talk about what we think of... pretty much everything, and he's introducing me to the world of hippies.  XD  One of those hippies may in fact provide the very goat for me and Alison's video.  XD!!!!  Oh, and we're writing a story about foxgoose-goosefox.  Details on that will unravel as the tale does, I'm sure.

My great-grandmother (91) died last week, so I spent a week in West Virginia for the funeral.  All my gramma's kids were in the same room for the first time since my mom's wedding (1982).  It was really cool to have them all together like that.  I met a lot of family I'd never seen before.  And I realized just how big my family really is.  I'm one of forty-two great-grandchildren.

It was my first funeral, so I was really nervous and cried a LOT, and this 12 year old kid put suckers in the coffin.

I saw a road.  It was called Road Run Road.  I LOVED IT.

Cameron met a French Canadian.  From Russia.  He's offered him a hundred thousand dollar Jaguar and two thousand bucks a month to run this recording studio he's building in Montreal, watch his house there, something about importing alcohol in Florida, and maybe managing a hobby store.  Hopefully just not all at once.  XD  The place isn't quite built yet, and I think Cameron's getting his erm... audio degree or whatever you call it before this happens... but it's a pretty amazing opportunity.  I'm really excited for him.  ^-^

The band he's managing is sounding pretty damn good on their new record (I've been going to the studio while they recorded a bit) and they're in a battle of the bands at a local festival coming up.

I'm going on a camping trip this weekend that's going to be SUCH a blast.  There's like, a million concerts going on all night, tons of people will be there, and classes!  Young Bryan's teaching yoga, Mike (one of the six fired from work FOR NO REASON AUGH) is teaching jujitsu, so who knows what other cool stuff'll be there?  I can't wait!

Niki's online!  Yay!

At Niki's

Saturday

November 22nd

10:12am

Shit, son.  It's been like a month.  PLISS.  LET MEH ECKSPLAYN.  So, my gramma moved in and seems to have brought the Great Wall of China with her.  Sadly, she sat it right in front of my computer, so I can only journal when I'm at Niki's and she's in the shower.  XD  Anyway, to update the world, Halloween was totally amazing, I'm definitely going to find out what the health food store has to offer (jobwise) and switch if it's good.  The deli life is simply not my cup of meat.  But that's old news.  For people who I've already told, at least.  XD  Cameron's decided he wants to be famous, so he's not holding in his talents so much anymore and is becoming much more brave about expressing it.  It inspires me to do the same.  The snow is here.  Thanksgiving's going to be broken up because my mom's antisocial and my gramma's boxes have taken over the world.  I had a weird dream Thursday night that I was sad and giving Squirrelaroo a hug.  Friday I found out he was fired, so I decided I'm a totally awesome psychic.

Me and Niknik are having our usual blasty.  We roasted a fresh young chicken last night with fresh rosemary, little red potatoes, and golden delicous apple.  IT WAS SOOO GOOD!  Then we had gelato.  ^-^   Anne and I are going to BT(white boy from the kitchen)'s rap concert next Friday night.  It should be fun.  XD

Happy Thanksgiving!

Friday, September 26th

10:39pm

This was my first day off since LAST Friday.  If I wasn't off tomorrow too I'd murder Cindy.

I apologize for being a little out of it right now.  After all of my healthy eating recently, the sugar, salt, and chemicals I loaded up on today are making me a bit loopy... since my body's not used to them anymore.

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if this or that happened to be different.

If I'd never gone through hell with Chelsea, would I still trust people?

Or have ever become such a good poet?

If I hadn't tried to use Bridget as a stairway to popularity in seventh grade and seen into "their" world, how long would I have wanted to be friends with the popular girls before realizing what they were really like?

If I wasn't shy growing up, would I be a partying slut?

Would that be as fun as it looks... if it wasn't so empty?

Do I just wonder about that because I feel like I was deprived of  the whole "dating" part of life, like I just... picked a husband?

As glad as I am to have been handed the most beautiful flower, I feel like I missed my chance to walk through the field.

If I'd met Cameron before I quit being shallow, would I have even given him the time of day?

If I'd never met him, how much longer would I have survived alone?

If I lost him, what would become of me?

What would I be like if I'd had a father?

Or if I'd never met the sad creature that claims to be mine?

Or if I didn't spend my whole life wishing I had something... money to get what I need, people to be close to who care, something to make me feel like my time here is worth anything.

Will I ever feel secure enough to risk having children?

Will I ever look at sex as not being a terrifying risk?

Will I ever stop having pimples?

Who's driving me to work on Sunday?

If slicing meat is how I earn my living, what is my life?

The two days a week I spend typing journals and waiting for Cameron to fit me into his schedule?

I need a car.

Ugh.

I played my clarinet today.

It was the first time in five years.

I showed my mom the biggest spider I've ever seen in my yard today.

She killed it.

Then I'll move it faster, faster, faster, faster.

Wednesday, September 10th

Noonish

Only two days off this week.  Today and Friday.  I fucking NEED a day off after closing with Cindy last night.  She makes us do twice as much as anyone else makes us, and every time she walks past me, she goes,"Faster, faster, faster, faster!"  SHUT.  UP!  MY ARMS WILL NOT MOVE FASTER THAN THIS WITHOUT FLYING OFF OF MY BODY.  GO.  AWAAAAY.

The store was closed.  The customers were all gone.   The EMPLOYEES were all gone.  Except for me, Justin, and Cindy.  Yet, for some reason, it is inappropriate to talk while I'm cleaning the glass on the meat display case.

I was already pissed at her for being such an annoying bitch, and for having to clean ALL THREE slicers that night because there were only two of us closing the deli (Cindy had to close up the seafood department because the guy who was supposed to got hurt in culinary school today).  But.  Even though I'd been working my ass off and putting up with her shit for the past nine hours (THAT'S RIGHT KIDS, NINE FUCKING HOURS OF CINDY) I wasn't allowed to make idle conversation to take my mind off of murdering her in the face.  FINE.  I'LL JUST GO FASTERFASTERFASTERFASTER.  MY RAGE FUELS MY ARM.  AND MY MURDEROUS PLOT.  ENJOY.

"Nooo taaaalkING!  You need to be working!"

"We can do both at the same time!  (forced happy tone)"

"No you can't!  If you're looking up at him you're not looking at what you're cleaning."

What?!  I didn't even know where the fuck he was at.  I just responded to a voice from beyond the counter.  SHUT.  UP.  CINDY.  THIS IS NOT STUDY HALL.  I HATE YOU.

"I wasn't looking up at him."

"*hushedgrumble*"

And as if that were not enough, they had to shut the power off because they're doing something to the freezers or something.  I don't know.  But, Cindy had us rush over to the machine to punch out, BUT IT WAS TOO LATE.  WOW.  SO, A FUCKING HALF HOUR AFTER WE'RE SUPPOSED TO LEAVE IS TOO LATE.  IMAGINE THAT.  So, she had us go fasterfasterfasterfaster back to the deli, and I was THOROUGHLY PISSED, rushing round like a fucking maniac, and slipped on the floor (I didn't know Justin had just mopped.  I was too consumed by my attempt to burn a hole through the glass I was cleaning with my fasterfasterfaster arm.)  and landed flat on my ass (and killed myself).  It was a classic Charlie Brown football kick fall, without so many flips.

She was acting all fucking concerned.  Concerned that I might report her ass and jeopardize her fucking JOB maybe.  It's her WHOLE FUCKING LIFE.   She is the ONLY person I've met there who talks about nothing but work.  Justin told me she has kids!  SHE HAS NEVER MENTIONED HAVING CHILDREN, A HUSBAND, A PET, A FRIEND, A THOUGHT, OR ANYTHING BUT MEAT AND CHEESE.  DIE ALREADY!

Me and Justin had a very serious discussion about this (while she was at her 2 o'clock meeting and the employees were allowed to speak) and decided that no one would fuck that.  The kids are either a lie, adopted, or were artificially inseminated.  No one would even rape her.  She'd be talking about stock levels.  Who gets off on that?

Anyway, when we FINALLY got out of there (9 fucking 15 pm), I was on the bench in front of the store trying to release all of the day's frustration by crying and ranting to Cameron on the phone, when Cindy comes around the fucking corner and starts talking to me!  "Are you okay?  How long until your ride gets here?  Do you want me to wait with you?'   WTF?!  NO!  GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!!!  IT'S HARD TO BITCH ABOUT YOU WHEN YOU'RE A FOOT AWAY.  IT'S YOUR FUCKING FAULT I'M ENRAGED AND HAVE A THROBBING ASS-BRUISE RIGHT NOW.  DON'T TRY TO MAKE YOURSELF FEEL LESS GUILTY BY PRETENDING TO CARE.  YOU ONLY CARE ABOUT GETTING IN TROUBLE FOR HARASSING AND CAUSING INJURY TO CUTE HAPPY NEW EMPLOYEES THAT THE MANAGER ABOVE YOU LIKES.  YEAH.  MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TOLD HIM WHAT A GREAT JOB I WAS DOING SO FAR.   MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE KILLED YOURSELF INSTEAD.  HAVE A GOOD EVENING.  I HOPE YOUR CHILDREN KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP.  YOU KNOW THEY WANT TO.

Thursday, August 14th

3:24am

I've got goodies from Cameron's Connecticut trip.  Including Swedish cookies.  That were made in Canada.  XD

And some activities I'm sure he'd prefer I not mention.   

Now...!

>;D 

All our lives we chase the night like it's never-ending, you the sun and I the moon.

I'm so glad he's back.  He really is my soulmate.  He actually said to me today,"I feel like I've loved you for thousands of years."  It moved me to tears.  I'm not afraid of losing him anymore because I now realize that there is nothing stronger than what holds us together.  I feel safe now, knowing that if I ever lose him, we'll soon find each other again.  Whether in this life, or what lies after.  Just as we have before.

But I'm sure you're not interested in my mush.  XD

I have an appointment with my dentist tomorrow at five.  Before then, I'm probably going to be putting away lots of laundry, and making my ripped-knee pants really cute.  And making another green smoothie.

Me and Niki made our very first green smoothie two days ago!  ^-^  And it was DELICIOUS!  We're amazing.  And Chris is insane for not liking berries.  But he likes other fruit, so I won't get angry.  XD

The one I made today had:

• 1 apple
• 1 nectarine
• 1 handful of blueberries
• 1 tbs coconut oil
• 1 metric shit-ton greens

It wasn't as sweet as I was hoping, but that's because I saved half of my blueberries for today, so it's easily fixable.  And my blender can get rid of all the colorful bits.  But since it's old, it gets hot easily and makes my smoothie kind of warm, which I dislike.  But, overall, it was good.  Definitely like the coconut oil in there.  But I wouldn't add more than a tablespoon because it overpowers the other fruit flavors a bit.  I missed the banana.  But it still had a nice, creamy texture without it.  I was concerned about that.

I'm also going to apply at Giant Beagle, since I go there so much.  And maybe that one Azn Fewd place by the nail place where the azns work.  XD  A place within walking distance to Niki's would be neat 'cause I wouldn't have to avoid scheduling peep hangs on days I have to work.  Plus I could probably get me and Niki discounts on organic numnums and pokeymanz.  I'm getting Niki a booster pack when I get my first paycheck.  She's bought me way too much stuff.  All those candy bars.  XD

I also had a surprisingly long conversation with Nick (Niki's boyfriend) after she fell asleep.  It was funny, because I've never really talked to him before, but we discussed at length the two taboo conversation topics... religion and politics, and really nothing else.  Besides a bit about smoking, careers, and his mom, and Uncle Joe.  Niki fell asleep around 6am, and we didn't finish talking until after 8am.  About religion and politics.  LMFAO  It's funny how the most controversial things are anything but when open-minded people discuss them, even if they've never talked before.  He taught me about how the new world order is gonna kick our asses, and I taught him about how cool and not evil paganism is.  XD  CPS FTW! 

Also.  Niki, are you working Saturday?  During the party?  Pliss let me know.

Tuesday, July 22nd

11:56pm

I've always been the girl whose friends come to her for advice.  But what happens when I don't know what to do either?  I feel like not being able to fix someone else's problem is just as bad as creating it in the first place.  I really shouldn't, because it's completely illogical, but I don't know how else to deal with it.  Failing your friend is just... it makes me cry.  I hate letting people down.

Niki's dealing with some serious crap, as usual, and I can't help her.  I feel like the worst friend in the world just because I don't know how to fix her problems.  I shouldn't feel like that.  I can't fix half of my own problems, but I don't beat myself up over that.  At least not as much.  It's NOT my fault that I'm out of ideas, and it's NOT my fault that she can't afford to get an apartment right now.  But I feel like even she thinks I'm a terrible friend and a horrible person for giving her a dose of reality and telling her that.  IT'S NOT MY FUCKING FAULT!  WHY DO I FEEL SO AWFUL?!  Don't shoot the fucking messenger.  Ugh. 

I only disagree with her when she's doing something that I think is harmful to herself.  I'm allowed to have my own opinions every once in a while.  Even if I look at her point of view, I'm allowed to say it doesn't make sense, isn't logical, or even that I think it's wrong.  And if she prefers to do things that I think are harmful, that's fine, that's her decision.  But I should still be able to tell her what I think without being the insensitive ass.  Now I'm annoyed, and will most definitely come across as one.  I need to vent.  Everyone needs to let their inner opinionated bitch out now and again.

That being said, here are my frank and possibly rude opinions.

I think it's stupid to choose living with her dad (and sharing a room with Nick) over living with her mom.

• He has no job.  No house.  No money.  No food.  He doesn't even like Nick right now. 
• She wouldn't even sleep in Nick's room the other night because he hadn't showered in a week.  Even when there is hot water, he doesn't shower unless she forces him to.  His sheets and laundry would stink up the entire room.  She could never tolerate that room and would find herself a couch (which she'd hate) to avoid the smell. 
• He'll probably end up living with Gina as soon as she gets over their most recent fight.

• At her mom's she could have her own room.  With a bed.  Apparently it's uncomfortably small.  I say, suck it up.  As small as it is, it's a hell of a lot better than sharing a room or being a hobo (her only other option that exists in this state).  It's temporary anyway, so just DEAL with it, because it's the best there is right now.  And there will be food.  And places nearby where she can earn money.

Staying with Lynn should not be ruled out before she even visits her.

• There is nothing in the damn town worth her staying for.  Or even fucking coming back for.  None of the people here who she wants to spend time with ever feel the same way except for me.  And I'll be moving to the east coast as soon as I can anyway.  And she can bring Nick with her, though I doubt he'd want to go.  There's an ultimatum that'd show how much he cares.
• Lynn offered to pay to put her through school there and hook her up with a job she'd love.  She wouldn't make these offers if she didn't really care.  Niki would not have to worry about feeling like a burden because of that.  Which I think she feels like with her parents.
• She'd have everything she needs to be comfortable while she figures out who she is and what she wants to do with her life.  Food, a bed, the choice to do whatever she wants at any given moment, friends, pets, spending money, spare time, fun trips.  To be perfectly honest, if it didn't mean leaving Cameron behind, I'd go live with Lynn!

And now Niki's back and not mad at me... or even at all.  So I'm gonna feel like a complete ass for still posting this, but it IS what I feel, so it SHOULD be in my journal.  Right?  Oy.

Also.  I hate when I'm talking to her and then all of a sudden it's Chris.  Can she not take a piss without you stealing the computer?  Back off brotha.

Okay.  Deep breath...       and....

Save.

Monday, June 16th

5:30pm

You know things are rough when MY mother shows sympathy.  She told me that she's sending Niki's graduation card early so that she can get her money now.  How is this sympathetic?  Well, Niki's mom is throwing her a graduation party.  Right after her mother's wedding.  When no one will have any money left to give to her.  What.  The.  Hell?!  If no one realizes there will be a party a thousand years from now (the wedding's not for a month, and who KNOWS how many times this will be rescheduled after seeing what happened to her birthday party), maybe they'll just send her money in the mail too.

Me and my mom were talking about how much Aunt Sandy (Niki's mom) has changed since getting divorced and finding a new bo.  It's like she's reverted back into her teenage years and forgotten everything about her present life and responsibilities.  Especially her children.  She doesn't seem to care about anyone but herself and Brandon anymore.  Sometimes her friends.  Occasionally Chris.  Since Niki moved in with her dad to get away from that attitude and Chris's torture, her mom seems to have completely forgotten that she has a daughter except when Niki contacts her.  And even then she doesn't seem to care.  It really pisses me off.  Niki's been going through some tough shit for YEARS and now her mom has decided to just stop being a mom?  NOT OKAY.  SHE NEEDS YOUR FUCKING SUPPORT RIGHT NOW.  I think I may just have a talk with her about this.

I told my mom the teenage bit, and apparently Aunt Sandy was a "selfish little snot" when she was a teenager.  So, perhaps that could be the reason for her recent selfish behavior.  Who knows?  I'm just glad Niki's getting some money now.  Maybe now she can get a camera and do funny vlogs.  XD