19 posts tagged “love”

Tuesday, November 24th
3:57pm

I just got a letter telling when my recital will be.
June fifth.

So I went to write it on the calender, which of course only went to December and then ended.
So I went to tack the letter to the wall next to Bryan's yoga schedule.
Then I realized we wouldn't even be in this apartment in June when I'd need reminded of it.

Bryan plans to leave in the spring. I knew this.  I've known this all along.

But something just hit me.

He won't see my first recital.
He won't see me dance.
He won't be there at all.

That's why I'm crying.

I love him.
And it feels like everything is ending.

Thursday, October 15th
9-10pm

Two things are currently coursing through my mind.

The first is a very sudden and very strong desire to make out with a really beautiful girl with lips as soft as mine feel right now.  There are, however, none currently in my apartment with me, and I wouldn't know where to begin to look for one within walking distance... in the dark and cold.  Which brings me to thing two.

The Venus Project.  And its activist arm, The Zeitgeist Movement.

If you're unfamiliar with the two things in thing two (XD) I highly recommend that you educate yourself on what they are.  The easiest way is through this movie. 

C'est moi!   I went to a kickass bellydance performance.  There were like a million (or maybe closer to thirteen) dancers/troupes.  And one of them (Moria Chappell) is with The Bellydance Superstars, and was trained by Rachel Brice who's my favorite bellydancer ever. 

And there was this twelve year old girl who's been dancing for like seven years who was outstanding.  She was better than a lot of the troupes.  XD  The whole show was great.  My whole class went, and Erin (my first yoga teacher who's also my bellydance teacher's sister) and her husband, their mom, and Young Bryan.  We had a great time.  Even though there was no wine or olive trays like last year.  XD

Todaaaay I went to my first Gnostic Mass, which was wonderful.  It was a beautiful and powerful ritual and I met a lot of cool people.  I'll definitely be meeting with them a lot more, and studying/practicing magick more.  And doing more yoga.  And, of course, bellydance.  XD  And sewing.

Tuesday is the Equinox.  I'm making cider and hopefully doing some sort of outdoor ritual with Bryan at the beach.

I went to my first "real" party last night and had my first shot of imported Irish whiskey.  Followed by a shot of rum, then a few shots of gin (I HATE GIN UGH).  Whiskey is the best tasting and feeling of the three by far, and is the first alcohal I've tried that I actually enjoy. 

And along with all of that, I got smoked up for the first time since Mike's birthday.  The two combined were crazy cool.  Bryan and I left the party and went shopping for sexyclothes and played dressup/picture time (laptop has a built in webcam).  AND HE LET ME DO HIS MAKEUP.  XD!!!!  He said he'd go halves with me on a camera so we can get a nice one for our moneymakinz.  XD  We really need to get going on that.

I'm back on raw foods pretty hardcore and eating a lot of greens.  It does wonders for the skin.  And energy levels, holy shit.  Bryan and I had some pretty fucking amazing sex today.  It had been too long.  We were both in a grumpy, lazy slump eating sugary crap for a while.  No moar, plzkthx!  ^-^

Hanging out with my mom was a blast (<0.o>)  Yes.  A blast.  XD!!!  I looooove Twilight, but I don't love Edward because he looks too much like Bob the shminx and that's really fuckin' creepy.  We had DiGiorno, and I slept in my old bed.  First bed I've slept in since I moved out.

Friday we went for a drive, then went to Denny's for burgers (why I decided I needed a rawfood detoooox UGH  XD) and went on a really long walk in the woods (no wonder Jen had a blast  XD  WALKING) and I've convinced her to start walking with me every Friday now.  We've never gotten along this well before.  I'm so happy.

Cammy came in yesterday to see me at work!  And I was already off the clock, so we got to hug and chat and stuff!  I miss her.  We're gonna get so much food together.  Melissa too.  We're gonna go to Little Italy and get cannoli and cassata cake.

I start fall bellydance classes at the dance academy this Wednesday.  I'm so excited!

I have a few people wanting to buy kale chips and chocolate coconut balls from me, so Imma get to cookin'.  XD

Bryan watched the first NANA movie with me and he liked it.  ^-^  I BET I'M SO BEHIND ON THE MANGA!  EEEP!

Made me miss my kuzn hardcore.

I LOVE YOU, KUZN!  WE SO NEED A NANA PARTY!!!

That's what my aunts call me now, after seeing what I wore to Chris's first gig last night.  I was damn cute, though.  XD

And it didn't bother me anyway, after Aunt Donna told me that at work, her cake said "Happy Birthday Hooker".

I love my family.

The show was fucking amazing.  I'm very proud of Chris's drumskillz.  People even started moshing.  Including Young Bryan.  XD  Only bad part about it was that Nick kept saying dumb shit between songs, like that he felt like he was going to puke and stuff.  But if they knock that off and gain a bit more confidence stage-presence-wise they'll go far fast. 

Also.  Fitz was on stage for the performance, and I got kickass pictures with the band.  I look like I belong in it.  *SINGS FOR THEM*  I CAN BE THEIR AMY LEE.  ONLY BLONDE (*SCARES AMY LEE*).  AND HOLDING A STUFFED MOOSE/REINDEER MASCOTT.

OMG I CAN BE NANA!  *finds a cooler band  XD!!!*  KUZN!  WIG-BORROWING TIME!

Btw.  SO my idea to put Fitz on stage.  I'm awesome.  *emoheart*  XD

 

Afterwards, Bryan had previous plans to visit a pallypal, so I rode to the afterparty with Aunt donna.  Me and Devin were larfing and I was still dancing like crazy.  Since all of my festivaling and bellydance classes, I'm no longer shy about dancing AT ALL.  So, basically I never stop.  But anyway, me and Devin got to talking about a lot of *bizarre whistley noise of paranormality*.  BUT.  I have so much to tell him about what I've learned in no seat belt land (which I'll of course leave the seatbeltlessness bit out of moooostly) and teach him a bit about how to protect himself better with magick.  He knows very little about defensive/basic protective skills and they'll really help him out.  So I'll be going over there Thursday after work so we can hang out down by his beach and talk privately for a bit, then have the typical Aunt Donna's bonfire later on, since I'm off on Fridays and can just crash there that night.  It'll be sweet.  Devin's usually cool one-on-one.

 

In other news (XD) we've got two new girls at work to replace Jessica and Melissa.  Their names are Jessie and Debbie.  Jessie is a sixteen-year-old secret spy (friend of the owners' family), and Debbie is just psychotic and obnoxious, and middle-aged.  XD  Poor Halle has to train them to death and be trapped with them in the evenings now.

They may be trying to get rid of Judge Tim (TERRIBLE!!!) because he's been having (work-stress induced) panic attacks and calling off like three days a week for the last month or so with crazy thyroid shit and what seems to be a touch of depression.  But he might actually be trying to get fired so he can collect unemployment and properly search for a better job without being all stressed out while doing it.  Which we're ALL hoping for at least a little bit.  XD 

Except for Little George. 

 

He's too proud of his work.

 

 

My bellydance class at the wellness center isn't continuing in the fall because I'm basically the only one who always showed up.  XD  BUT my teacher also teaches at a dance academy (SO FUCKING COOL!) where I'll be continuing, learning with students who've already been in bellydance for three years, and Nicole (my teacher) said I fit in perfectly with them and am doing a great job.  I went to the last summer class there on Tuesday night and it was much more fast-paced, but I still did great.  I like this speed better.  I get to learn more faster.  And since this is a real dance school, there's a recital at the end of the season with a real costume and everything.  I'm ecstatic!  I'm getting myself a full-length mirror so I can practice better at home.  It makes practice worlds better to be able to see yourself. 

I'll be good enough to perform or teach... or both.  I'm awesome!!!  And proud of myself.  ^-^

 

Also, Mike's birthday was on Wednesday, and after work (he got his new jarb he wanted so badly! Yay!) he came over and we gave him a proper celebration, with a homemade (XD) giant chocolate chip cookie (cake thing) and present and card and funtymez.  Even Leo came to the party.

 

We started painting Psychedellic Jesus.

I just got the internet in my apartment today.  My apartment that I moved into and stole half of from Bryan two months ago.  My tummy's full of heavy noms and I have no idea how late it is.  I have really great sex.  Can I just say that right up front?  And so many cuddles.  And adventures.  I went hiking with Young Bryan yesterday through these crazy-ass caves and cliffs that look like they're from Legends of the Hidden Temple only... real.  There was even a cool little waterfall we drank from.  And found lots of little pr0nfilming nooks and tested one out a bit.  I love my adventures with Bryan.   XD 

And the day before that I went swimming with Chris (young cousin) at the beach and got him caught up on my life and whatnot.  Next week I'm probably staying the night at Aunt Sandy's Monday night, so that on Tuesday Morning me, Chris, and maybe Devin and/or Christian (ALL COUSINS, WE ARE PLENTIFUL!!!) can go to the beach near their hood and go splorin'.

I'm listening to old deo's Shadow episodes.  I miss that show bigtime.  It's a pagan podcast.

Today, I called Mike to invite him over, and he was really stressing about a lot of stuff.  Money, finding a new job, sick gramma, stressed family, etc.  So, he came over and we cuddled, played with the computer, had incredible sex, rubbed chocolate all over each other in the shower afterwards, got all smoked up, and went out for bison burgers.  I like having someone to take care of just a little bit.  But not to the point where they need me to survive.  I like to spoil Mike, and he spoils me back.  ^-^  And we talk about a lot of stuff.  We're really alike personality-wise and he likes being a silly five year old with me, including the little voices.  And we can relate on a lot of deep emotional levels, both painful and pleasurable.  But most of the time, he's just plain fun.

When Bryan got home from work today, he was in a shitty mood, and had this big sad rant about his jealousy and such, because I guess Mike has a habit of forgetting to flush his baseball cards, so Bryan knows like exactly when we've had sex.  That was a downer, but what the hell am I supposed to do?  He's the one who keeps telling me I should be free to love whoever, however. I know it's hard, and that he wants to learn to overcome jealousy, but I still feel an urge to try to fix his problems, which makes me start thinking I should change things to suit his needs... but that's not what he wants, or what I want.  I just want us to all be happy and express how we feel about each other in peace. 

Anyway, Bryan did a banishing to get rid of his negative energy, and then we got all smoked up (such a stoner day, holy shit XD) and I showed him ALL the unicorns.  Charlies one through three and all of Planet Unicorn.  Lucky Star is next.  XD  By the way, Charlie the Unicorn should be experienced with pot by everyone who's interested in both of them.  XD  As should a lot of other things.  Pink Floyd, sex, walking around at night, bison, etc. 

Bryan showed me he's a gargoyle.  It was amazing.

 

Hi, Jen here.  Pretty much the same one.  But I'm in a whole new world now.  I broke up with Cameron, moved in with Young Bryan, and am in one of the most bizarre love triangles ever between him and Mike.  I live with Bryan, and he's... technically my boyfriend, but we're in an open relationship, so I'm also sort of dating Mike.  But, they're best friends and we're all completely aware of the situation, so it's awkward at times when we're all hanging out.  I love them both.  I just want to be close to the people I care about.

We're all going to be porn stars.  Kickass, eh?

I'm practicing more yoga and studying more magick.  I'm having fun with food and creating things.  I'm learning to live in the moment, for the moment.  I'm experiencing things most people can't even dream about and seeing the world in a million new ways.

I'm happier than I've ever been.

 

Life is wonderful.

At Niki's

Sunday

January 18th

Noon

 

So, last night Niki and I stayed up past 4am making red velvet puffs and filming a short... film about being locked in the bathroom.  It was great.  We loved it.  It'll take us three years to edit this thing.  AND we're using a shitty program.  Hooray! 

Today we're making a pie for the raw vegan potluck we're going to tomorrow (one of my crazy coworkers invited me).  It's gonna have a nut/raisin crust, and a banana, apple, pear, orange, lemon, ginger, almond butter, and coconut butter filling.  Blenders ftw.  Maybe I'll put the spinach in.  I'm not sure.  Anyway, it's gonna be delicious and I can't wait to try it.  ^-^

I also found that I love green tea with toasted brown rice.  But no one else does.  Except the crazies at work who sampled it and lufft it like me.  XD

I got my shower filter and found out I can't get my old showerhead off because it's like... grouted on there.  BUT.  I BROUGHT IT TO NIKI'S AND USED IT HERE.  I are soh sawft and helthee.  Bjelis.  :3

ALSO.  Coolest thing ever:

My birthday this year is awesome.  Here are my reasons:

• I turn twenty.
• It falls on Australia Day (every year).
• It falls on a new moon.
• It falls on the Chinese New Year.

I luvit.  Pliss share in mah jooooi.  ^-^

8:06pm

 

You have no right to forget me.

 

I'm an amazing listener.

I love with all that I am.

I make people happy.

I'm deep.

I fight to the death.

 

I don't care who the hell you are.

I'm better than you.

 

 

So why can't I let it go...

Without running away from home?

At Niki's

Thursday, October 23rd

Just past noon

Worst closing line EVER.  What the hell was I thinking?  I completely forgot the last like, minute of my song (which is pretty sad considering it's not even three minutes long) and just stopped before going,"What are the words...?" which did get some laughs.  But then, when I started again I only got out about three lines before forgetting what came next again.  So I just said,"I think I'll stop there.  Thanks for tolerating that."  Then I laughed awkwardly and got off the stage.  People did cheer, but I don't know if it was because they liked what I COULD manage to remember of my song, because they felt bad for me, or because they were glad I was off the stage.  XD  When I went up to the counter to get some more cider for me and Knickers (which they were OUT of and I didn't even get to try.  Terrible.), Frank, the announcer guy said I was good but just needed to not be so nervous. 

But it was really awkward.  First of all, my song was sort of depressing.  XD  And that's not good considering the fact that I was following a song that went "One, two three!  The kids love the monkey and four, five, six!  The monkey's got a hockey stick.  Seven eight nine!  Havin' a good time, yeaaah..."  (Favorite song of the night for me, by the way.  XD)  But I was also the only girl who went up there.  And the only person who didn't have an instrument playing in the background.  And the only person who had everyone go completely silent and just STARE the entire time I sang.  All of that added to the pressure.  And some douches were mocking me and started singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight".  I'd like to see their sorry asses get up on stage and perform something they wrote a week ago a capella perfectly.  Fuck off, wankers.  I sounded damn good.

Anne couldn't come because of her daughter, but Danielle and David from work (who also both happened to be in my graduating class) just happened to be there.  Danielle will probably be all like,"What HAPPENED up there?" tomorrow.  Oy.  LOL  And me and Niki ran into John (from the kitchen) on the trolly and told him about it, but he didn't show up either.  God.  Fucking monkey song.  I should have gone up after "BLESS MYYYOIL!" (dedicated to Bush) but then Cameron would have missed my performance.  XD  Cameron did his synthy thing and it was a hit.  The crowd loved the cowbell.  XD  And he spent like ten minutes fucking around.  LOL  Doing music trivia and playing video game themes and stuff.  It was hilarious.  I filmed it all.  XD

Also.  We went to the health food store and got FREE BANANAS.  And cranberry treat sticks!  AND I GOT AMAZING RAW ORGANIC CHEDDAR (Jack Style).  And I love Lil' Kookz.  ^n.n^  AND CINDY SAID I CAN HAVE HALLOWEEN AND THE NEXT DAY OFF!  PARTY, HERE I COME!  AND CINDY'S GOING ON VACATION THIS WEEK!  *LEAPS WITH JOY*  Meaning I'll be training the new person we get this week.  XD  Well.  Me and everyone else.  LOL