18 posts tagged “money”

Thursday, October 15th
9-10pm

Two things are currently coursing through my mind.

The first is a very sudden and very strong desire to make out with a really beautiful girl with lips as soft as mine feel right now.  There are, however, none currently in my apartment with me, and I wouldn't know where to begin to look for one within walking distance... in the dark and cold.  Which brings me to thing two.

The Venus Project.  And its activist arm, The Zeitgeist Movement.

If you're unfamiliar with the two things in thing two (XD) I highly recommend that you educate yourself on what they are.  The easiest way is through this movie. 

I tell you what.  (Yes, I do.)  Numbers are dwindling at work.  Dave was basically fired.  He delivers our cookies/muffins to other places to be sold.  They decided to put him on straight commission.  That's like ten dollars a week.  So he was forced to quit.  Dave was nice.  I'd make him free smoothies and he'd give me a dollar for them, and be like, "You're making nine dollars this hour!" 

And on Tuesday Judge Tim quit.  He's wanted to for a long time.  His wife just got her old job back, making more money, so he flew the coop.  Everybody misses him.  And they're not going to replace him.  Which is a serious sign that this place is going down soon.  If they can't afford to replace Allen.  Fuck. 

But it's cool.  Everyone's waiting for it to happen so we can have some time to recover from our workplace woes while collecting unemployment.  XD  Me and Bryan have such cheap rent we'd still be able to afford good groceries, and I could focus on my sewing and jewelry-making while deciding on a better place to work.  Bryan thinks they'll try to keep the store open through the holidays.  We'll see what happens.

I has the flu.  It kicked in halfway through work yesterday, but I managed to stick it out through the end of the day.  When Halle came in, she looked at me funny.  And then it went like this:

Halle:  How are you feeling?
Me:  Ehhh.  Not so good.
Halle:  Well, I have to tell you.  You look like shit.

I blame Cliff.  He got a flu shot.  So now he's spreading his flu.  I fucking hate vaccines.  Especially when they're being sold at fucking WalMart and Target and every drug store. 

They're just spreading the disease faster to make a profit.  Just strengthen your immune systems, people.  Anyway, that's what I get for eating so much sugar at work.  It weakens your immune system for five hours after eating it.  No wonder America's so sick.

So, yesterday after work I went over to Aunt Donna's for a visit, which was freaking awesome.  Devin and I went for a long walk, hung out down at the lake, practiced a few magickal things, talked forever, listened to music, and then had a garage party with Aunt Donna and taught her some bellydance.  I ended up finally crashing on the couch somewhere around 5am. 

I woke up around 1pm and got some breakfast.  Then my phone rang.  It was Bryan.  He got a call last night.  His grandfather had a heart attack.  So he rushed off to the hospital and was there until morning.  When he came home this morning he realized that in his rush to the hospital he left the door unlocked.  The place was trashed.  My new camera and Bryan's laptop were gone, and everything was thrown around.  They tore down a bunch of curtains, and my decorative fan off the wall, threw all the dresser drawers around the room and emptied the bathroom cupboard into the sink, plucked all of my skirts off the hangers, and squirted green paint on a part of the Psychedellic Jesus painting that didn't even mess it up at all.  They must have been strung out on something to do such bizarre things.  My sewing desk was completely untouched, aside from the little fan above it.

I bought a little acer laptop today, and I'm gonna just get a cheap camera with video to replace my nice one for now.  I can't afford to spend a ton while I'm saving for a car.  We're gonna ask the neighbors if they saw anything, and maybe check a few pawn shops in the next couple days just in case.  Bryan's grandfather's in a coma.  I'm trying to ignore the robbery a bit.  They're just material things that are replacable.  Perhaps whoever took them needed them more than me. 

Or they were just fucking crazy.

I've decided to gtfo of the juice bar and throw myself into my art.  I'll get to spend all my waking hours creating things that will soon be earning me money in a much less stressful way.  I'll be making jewelry, porn, clothes, body scrubs, lotions, etc., etc. without having to waste forty hours a week (plus travel time, plus the extra 45min before my shift starts because me and Bryan have slightly different schedules).  I have a few thousand to fall back on if the money doesn't come in super quickly, and I could always get a part-time job somewhere with fewer asshole wop-wannabe types in charge who have no respect for anyone, particularly females.  This is actually like, the best time of year to look because all the college and high school kids are going back to school and there are tons of openings.

And I'll have so much time to write again.  God, I miss writing.

And drawing.

And writing!  ^-^

Tuesday

March 10th

8:22pm

My best friend at work, Debbie, has decided that Thursday will be her last day on the job.  The owner's an egotistical wopzilla who hates people he can't piss off, and therefore terrorizes the world trying to single those people out.  Debbie's not one of those people, so she... uh... got pissed off enough to quit.  I'm really gonna miss her.  She was the only person there who I really felt I could talk to, especially about work-related problems.  Hopefully I'll still get to see her sometimes.  Her sister is a manager at a pizza place 10min from her house, whereas our current workplace is nearly an hour's drive for her.  She'll be going there and managing three days a week.

I was hired in mid-December.  Since then, six people have been fired, and now we're losing Debbie.  I'm still the newest person there, and one of VERY few people trained in the juice bar.  I really hope they decide to hire another person, because I've lately been doing the work of two people... and would prefer that the number not inflate.  It's becoming more and more like the deli every day.  But I can't quit here.

At least not yet.  I want to have at least six months here for my future applications since my last job I only lasted three months at before quitting.

And I like my employee discount.

A lot.

I also want to kill my mother.

All she does is make me cry.

I have to move out.  Soon.

Fuck her.  She's not getting any more of my money.

WILL SOMEONE PLEASE TEACH ME TO DRIVE SO I CAN GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE?!

10:30pm

He's just gone out to put in Geepie's new headlights.

He said he doesn't want to let his baby freeze.

He's offered to drive me to work until gramma gets back, so long as I give him money for the gas.

I could cry.

Okay, I am crying.

I'm grateful, but I still feel so helpless.

Friday, September 26th

10:39pm

This was my first day off since LAST Friday.  If I wasn't off tomorrow too I'd murder Cindy.

I apologize for being a little out of it right now.  After all of my healthy eating recently, the sugar, salt, and chemicals I loaded up on today are making me a bit loopy... since my body's not used to them anymore.

Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if this or that happened to be different.

If I'd never gone through hell with Chelsea, would I still trust people?

Or have ever become such a good poet?

If I hadn't tried to use Bridget as a stairway to popularity in seventh grade and seen into "their" world, how long would I have wanted to be friends with the popular girls before realizing what they were really like?

If I wasn't shy growing up, would I be a partying slut?

Would that be as fun as it looks... if it wasn't so empty?

Do I just wonder about that because I feel like I was deprived of  the whole "dating" part of life, like I just... picked a husband?

As glad as I am to have been handed the most beautiful flower, I feel like I missed my chance to walk through the field.

If I'd met Cameron before I quit being shallow, would I have even given him the time of day?

If I'd never met him, how much longer would I have survived alone?

If I lost him, what would become of me?

What would I be like if I'd had a father?

Or if I'd never met the sad creature that claims to be mine?

Or if I didn't spend my whole life wishing I had something... money to get what I need, people to be close to who care, something to make me feel like my time here is worth anything.

Will I ever feel secure enough to risk having children?

Will I ever look at sex as not being a terrifying risk?

Will I ever stop having pimples?

Who's driving me to work on Sunday?

If slicing meat is how I earn my living, what is my life?

The two days a week I spend typing journals and waiting for Cameron to fit me into his schedule?

I need a car.

Ugh.

I played my clarinet today.

It was the first time in five years.

I showed my mom the biggest spider I've ever seen in my yard today.

She killed it.

4:30pm

1. Everything I love about fall starts to come (that would be a list in itself ^-^).
2. Along with my first paycheck.
3. The arrival of Wen (which I'm ordering today).
4. The ability to have a cup of high quality organic tea every day.
5. The ability to have a green smoothie every day (before my mom gets home).
6. The ability to buy myself or a friend something small without guilt.
7. Less time to worry about silly things.
8. Less time around my mother.
9. Feeling like I have a purpose.
10. Making more friends at work.
11. Me and my best friends all making more money (Cameron got more hours at work).
12. Seeing more sunrises.
13. Feeling more independent, less reliant.
14. Feeling healthier.
15. Gaining confidence from my job forcing me to be less shy, and seeing the results.
16. Feeling better about myself.
17. Being a better friend (because I can focus more on them when I when I'm with them, since I won't have my own problems distracting me.)
18. Getting to sample a new kind of cheese whenever I want (during my breaks, of course).
19. Seeing my store's chocolate section and allowing myself to indulge.
20. Buying amazingly prepared salmon (or chicken, or whatever else) during my lunch breaks.
21. Buying fresh, wild Alaskan salmon (or organic salmon imported from Ireland) and making sushi with Niki.
22. Seeing if the sushi at work is better than at Giant Beagle (it looks the same).
23. Going to the fondue restaurant.
24. And of course, the series that follows the end of lonelygirl15, The Resistance.  XD

Friday, August 15th

1am

That's right, kiddies, I've just woken up.  I went to bed at 8pm (after having woken yesterday at 3pm from a TERRIBLE night's/half-day's sleep).  And I had some left over green smoothie.  I actually like it better after it's been in the fridge.  It's a bit thicker (probably because of the coconut oil, which becomes solid around 75F) and it tastes like blueberry applesauce.  Because it basically is.  LOL  I will have so much fun making baby food for my kiddies someday.  Why do I keep saying kiddies?

So, yesterday, when I got up it was because my mom was coming home and wanted to take me to the farmers' market!  I was so excited!  I think the reason she's buying vegetables is because I told her I was gonna start buying them for myself.  The real question is... is she trying to save me money, or trying to maintain her role as food dictator?  The world may never knoooow.

So, then we came home, I had an apple and brushed my teef, and we were off to the dentist!  I love my dentist.  She is SO nice.  I wanna be best friends with her.  LOL  Really, though, she's just so friendly.  The dentist I had as a child was TERRIFYING and seemed to hate children.  When I had to have teeth extracted, she wouldn't let me close my eyes when I got scared.  She'd say closing my eyes would make me more scared, and yelled at me to keep them open!  So I had to watch the novocaine needle inching toward my gums.  I swear the syringe played the Jaws music.

Compare that to my current dentist, who takes notes on what you talk about, and offers tips on fun places to work.  Her favorite place to work when she was in college was Krispy Kreme, because everyone who came in was so happy. XD!!!  Also, every time I come in, she compliments my teeth.  Today she said,"I love cleaning your teeth.  They're so pretty.  They have a nice color."  I just sat there with my mouth open.  Because she had her hook in there.  The tiny one for scraping, that is.  She's no pirate.  

But yeah, it's actually a family business.  Her dad owns the place.  I guess he does my mom's teeth sometimes, but I've never had him.  She's young, like late twenties to early thirties.  And really cutesy.  I think it's mostly because of her tiny little voice.  LOL  Maybe that's why I like her so much, because it reminds me of my friend Lindsay (Michelle's sister) who, oddly enough, is studying to be a dentist.  XD  I miss Lindsay.  And Mesa.  And Michelle.  I wonder if Michelle is still in China.  She went there this summer with a foreign exchange student she's friends with.

Anyway, then we went to Burger King.  ^-^

The very beginning of Monday, August 10th

Midnight

I know I should probably have some sort of excuse for why I haven't written in a while, but I don't.  Yes, my mom and I had a HUGE argument and she took the internet box away for a few days because of it, but I've had it back for three or four days and I just didn't feel like talking about my life.  There's too much to say, and not nearly enough words currently in my personal vocabulary.  I'll try to catch you up.  Short and sweet.  Ish.

My mom's a BITCH and I'm stuck with her until she throws me out.

I can't let her throw me out yet because I can't get student loans and have to save up for college by working.

Which means I have to live here.  Near a bus stop.

The government is an even bigger bitch than my mom.

Fuck them for knowing NOTHING about health, and not putting worthy schools on their list.

Now it'll take months for me to save up what I need to start classes.

Niki's graduation party was a LOT of fun.

She's got a job now.

I've got more ideas for places to look for work. 

Trying offices next.

I'm turning all my applications in on the same day so I hear back from them all at once (more or less).

Gramma might not move in with us.

If it weren't for the bunnies, the trees, and the hawks, I'd wish we'd never moved out.

There was a big, shiny black spider in my room last night.

I tried to catch it in an empty ice cream bucket to let it outside but it escaped and I lost it.

I shut my bedroom door and slept on the couch.

I still don't know where it is and I'm scared to sleep in my room tonight.

There are some spiders that cause your flesh to decay when they bite you.

And others that just kill you.

So I feel that I have a good reason to be terrified.

I'm out of water AGAIN and can't get to the store until Monday unless I get a ride.

Which I won't.

I miss Niki already and fear that with us both working, we'll never see each other.

I'm scared of losing more friends.

I only have two. 

Three if you count Aunt Donna.

But we still haven't talked much yet.

I've been drawing, singing, and dancing more.

I feel like I'm wasting my life.

Nothing I do seems to have a purpose.

And no purpose I work towards seems certain enough to be worth the effort.

And I'm terrified that I won't be able to get a good enough job with the degree I want.

And that with my first job, I'll end up having to spend that money on another degree that I don't even like.

I've spent the last nineteen years waiting for my life to start.

I can't bear to think that working my ass off for (roughly) the next two years will lead me right back to here.

I'm scared that Cameron's new extreme passion for music is going to leave me in the dust.

Even though he says he only wants to sing with me.

And I'm scared that he'll dive head first into a new major that won't get him a job.

And that because of that he'll be in his parents' house for another ten years.

There's no way in hell he could survive that long with them.

I feel so alone.

I'm also addicted to lonelygirl15 and the Dragon Wars app on myspace. 

How pathetic is that?

I haven't even played SyrupTales in like a month.

And I'm ONE level away from finally becoming a wizard.

And I have no life.

And I still can't spend any money.

My bank account is taunting me.

I just want some vegetables.

Every day.

And clean water that isn't full of poison.

And mascara.  Because I've been trying to convince myself to buy more for a YEAR.

And my skin looks horrible.

Because when I get really upset or nervous, my fingers attack every imperfect pore they can find.

I decided today that I'm not going to do that anymore. 

I won't touch my face (or neck) unless I'm washing it or putting on makeup.

I hate this place.

On the bright side... today I got an envelope from the bank and opened it.

And then I found ten dollars.

Hello, water fund.