4 posts tagged “no”
8:06pm
You have no right to forget me.
I'm an amazing listener.
I love with all that I am.
I make people happy.
I'm deep.
I fight to the death.
I don't care who the hell you are.
I'm better than you.
So why can't I let it go...
Without running away from home?
Then I'll move it faster, faster, faster, faster.
Wednesday, September 10th
Noonish
Only two days off this week. Today and Friday. I fucking NEED a day off after closing with Cindy last night. She makes us do twice as much as anyone else makes us, and every time she walks past me, she goes,"Faster, faster, faster, faster!" SHUT. UP! MY ARMS WILL NOT MOVE FASTER THAN THIS WITHOUT FLYING OFF OF MY BODY. GO. AWAAAAY.
The store was closed. The customers were all gone. The EMPLOYEES were all gone. Except for me, Justin, and Cindy. Yet, for some reason, it is inappropriate to talk while I'm cleaning the glass on the meat display case.
I was already pissed at her for being such an annoying bitch, and for having to clean ALL THREE slicers that night because there were only two of us closing the deli (Cindy had to close up the seafood department because the guy who was supposed to got hurt in culinary school today). But. Even though I'd been working my ass off and putting up with her shit for the past nine hours (THAT'S RIGHT KIDS, NINE FUCKING HOURS OF CINDY) I wasn't allowed to make idle conversation to take my mind off of murdering her in the face. FINE. I'LL JUST GO FASTERFASTERFASTERFASTER. MY RAGE FUELS MY ARM. AND MY MURDEROUS PLOT. ENJOY.
"Nooo taaaalkING! You need to be working!"
"We can do both at the same time! (forced happy tone)"
"No you can't! If you're looking up at him you're not looking at what you're cleaning."
What?! I didn't even know where the fuck he was at. I just responded to a voice from beyond the counter. SHUT. UP. CINDY. THIS IS NOT STUDY HALL. I HATE YOU.
"I wasn't looking up at him."
"*hushedgrumble*"
And as if that were not enough, they had to shut the power off because they're doing something to the freezers or something. I don't know. But, Cindy had us rush over to the machine to punch out, BUT IT WAS TOO LATE. WOW. SO, A FUCKING HALF HOUR AFTER WE'RE SUPPOSED TO LEAVE IS TOO LATE. IMAGINE THAT. So, she had us go fasterfasterfasterfaster back to the deli, and I was THOROUGHLY PISSED, rushing round like a fucking maniac, and slipped on the floor (I didn't know Justin had just mopped. I was too consumed by my attempt to burn a hole through the glass I was cleaning with my fasterfasterfaster arm.) and landed flat on my ass (and killed myself). It was a classic Charlie Brown football kick fall, without so many flips.
She was acting all fucking concerned. Concerned that I might report her ass and jeopardize her fucking JOB maybe. It's her WHOLE FUCKING LIFE. She is the ONLY person I've met there who talks about nothing but work. Justin told me she has kids! SHE HAS NEVER MENTIONED HAVING CHILDREN, A HUSBAND, A PET, A FRIEND, A THOUGHT, OR ANYTHING BUT MEAT AND CHEESE. DIE ALREADY!
Me and Justin had a very serious discussion about this (while she was at her 2 o'clock meeting and the employees were allowed to speak) and decided that no one would fuck that. The kids are either a lie, adopted, or were artificially inseminated. No one would even rape her. She'd be talking about stock levels. Who gets off on that?
Anyway, when we FINALLY got out of there (9 fucking 15 pm), I was on the bench in front of the store trying to release all of the day's frustration by crying and ranting to Cameron on the phone, when Cindy comes around the fucking corner and starts talking to me! "Are you okay? How long until your ride gets here? Do you want me to wait with you?' WTF?! NO! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!!! IT'S HARD TO BITCH ABOUT YOU WHEN YOU'RE A FOOT AWAY. IT'S YOUR FUCKING FAULT I'M ENRAGED AND HAVE A THROBBING ASS-BRUISE RIGHT NOW. DON'T TRY TO MAKE YOURSELF FEEL LESS GUILTY BY PRETENDING TO CARE. YOU ONLY CARE ABOUT GETTING IN TROUBLE FOR HARASSING AND CAUSING INJURY TO CUTE HAPPY NEW EMPLOYEES THAT THE MANAGER ABOVE YOU LIKES. YEAH. MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TOLD HIM WHAT A GREAT JOB I WAS DOING SO FAR. MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE KILLED YOURSELF INSTEAD. HAVE A GOOD EVENING. I HOPE YOUR CHILDREN KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP. YOU KNOW THEY WANT TO.
Wednesday, August 20th
5pm
I went to the beach with Cameron yesterday! ^-^ I've been wanting him to go with me for three years, and he finally did! And it was so much fun! ^-^!!!! We watched the seagulls (from like two feet away, while they'd sort of hover as the wind blew over them. It was magnificent.), collected pretty stones, and played in the sand and water with our feet. ^-^ It was kind of chilly, and the wind was coming in strong off of the shore, but the water was SO warm. It was wonderful. ^-^
Oh, and there was a tractor.
We found a piece of sea glass, a clear one that got all frosty looking. I wrapped a star pattern onto it with silver wire (just can't escape the CPS XD) and made a necklace from it today. It's pretty. ^-^ I was supposed to wire-wrap a stone Cameron picked up, to make into a keychain. So, last night when I was carrying all my stuff into my room, my hands were full, so I put the stone down my shirt. I ended up forgetting that I put it there, and I couldn't find it when I woke up. <u.u> I looked for it for like fifteen minutes with no luck. It's kind of small. I'll have to tidy my room up a bit tomorrow and look harder.
I also talked to my friend Roseanne. She's this nice, little old lady who lives on my street and walks a lot. I talked to her a few times last year when I'd walk to the bus for school. I told her about switching schools, and that I was going to the beach, and she said how much fun she had at the beach with her friend on Wednesday, and if I ever want to, I can cut some flowers from her little flower garden she was working on when I walked by. ^-^ I'm going to send her a Christmas card this year.
Speaking of neighbors, my really horrible ones (who wanted to eat Aunt Sandy because she was "speeding" into my driveway... not the ones who called the cops on Cameron (and break children's arms) because he was "speeding" out of my driveway, finally got their fence up. Sadly, it doesn't hide their back door OR driveway from our view. And their child's sandbox is still on my side of the fence. ^o.0^
Friday
1:30pm
While it is a day meant to celebrate our "freedom" from a much better country, I must try to remind myself that I should be happy about it, because if my ancestors had not come to this land and "mingled" with the natives, I would not be here to type this. Shame they won the war though, eh? Thanks anyway, guys.
Sorry it's been so long. First I spend like an entire week at Niki's, and was simply having too much fun (AND WALKING TOO MUCH. HOLY SHIT.) to type. Then after I got back home, my mom decided I don't do enough chores to deserve internet access. Fine, mother. I won't use the computer. But don't come complaining to me when you're sad because you pay all this money out every month for absolutely no reason.
Anyway, I managed to get it back two days ago (after spending the entire day pulling weeds and mowing the lawn) but I just couldn't be bothered to type until now.
So, during my week at Niki's (more or less) I experienced many things. There was walking. And some more walking. Lots of penises and drunk girls. (Aunt Sandy's bachelorette party.) Dancing ALL night (ending around 6am when I went for a walk). Getting invited to an Autumnal Equinox bonfire at my aunt's. A metric shit-ton of Pokemon. Pizza. Crisis. Parents sucking at being parents. Rain. Sun. Waiting four hours for Wendy's to open and then deciding not to take Devin's money. Sitting awkwardly while Devin and Chris ate. Walking. Getting invited to the bridal shower at 10pm. Tv shows about fat people. Being Aunt Sandy's "amateur nutritionist" until the wedding. About six more shit-tons of pokemon. Spending ten years trying to get a ride to the store. Flat tire. Walking in the rain. At night. Imagining being pulled over for weaving on the sidewalk. Hiding my cards for fear of them being stolen. Along with everything else I brought over. The Espeon-Charmeleon incident. Niki, the fairest bitch of them all. XD Amazing water from Iceland. Strawberries. Blueberries. Making the best blueberry pancakes ever with Niki. Poo that looked like charcoal from eating so many blueberries... and that's probably a good place to stop.
I felt a bit slow for not realizing it earlier, but I've figured out what I want to do with my life... as far as a first career goes. I'm going to be a nutritionist. I've been interested in how food affects the body since like sixth grade when my mom took interest in Somersizing (Suzanne Somers' weight loss eating plan), and over the last year or so I've become completely obsessed with natural health. And people are always asking me, you know, "Is this healthy? What about this?" And I'm always trying to push my views about food on other people, so what better job would the be for me than telling people what to eat?! XD!!! I just can't believe it took me so long to figure out. It wasn't until I started planning stuff with Aunt Sandy that it really clicked.
The problem was, though, that my college didn't have a program for that. So, I started researching and in just a few hours I found my dream school. It's an online school, so I wont have a schedule to work around when I try to get a job (SOON). It's almost the same price as Land O'Lakes. EVERY class is directly related to the career. There are no pointless unrelated requirements. You can work at your own pace, so as long as I can afford it, I can finish up faster. Anyway, it's called Clayton College of Natural Health. It's accredited by a credible-looking source, though the accreditor is not on the U.S. Department of Education's list. That doesn't mean that the material and degrees are not legitimate, though. It ony means that graduates of the college won't be able to participate in certain federally sponsored events that require the title (Ph.D., etc.) they earned there. I looked through the list and there isn't even an accreditor there that's for nutrition in any way shape or form. Fuck you, Department of Education. You and your love o'drugs. I may become an herbalist too.
I also met a lovely dragonfly when I was weeding the front flowerbed. I really wish I'd never sat on my camera. I still can't afford to get a new one yet. I don't even know if I'll be able to afford my books for school. My mom offered to help me with my books a few weeks back if I couldn't afford it. I may have to use the $150 that Cameron gave me for graduation to use for an emergency. The tuition is quite literally all of my savings. I'll have thirty-five dollars left. So now I can't even get a laptop yet. Gimme dat jarb.
I've started doing yoga again. I've finally managed to get myself on a... not quite NORMAL, but rather, an EARLIER sleeping schedule. I've been waking up in time to do this yoga program that's on at 6am on the Oxygen network, called Inhale. I discovered it after staying up all night watching infomercials one new years eve (or rather, day) a few years back. I would stop for different reasons. Either I'd have to go to school half way through, or they would replace it for a while with Xena, or I just couldn't bother to get up that early, etc., etc. For the last year though, my main reason was that my wrist has grown this big crazy bump, and it would hurt when I did poses that require you to put your hands on the floor put weight on them. But, I'm managing to do it without much discomfort, and I'm convinced that it's going to go away. I thought so for a long time, just because it would fluctuate in size, sometimes shrinking. But when Niki's mom mentioned yoga when we were talking about stress last week, I showed her and she said she had the exact same thing and it went away (after some years, but still).
Also, I walked to the library last week (which took about an hour) and picked up a couple books.
