3 posts tagged “years”
Tuesday
April 21st
8:48pm
I can't stop the woods and the beach and the fire and the sun and the stars from swirling around each other in my head. Every second I spend in a building or a house makes me feel like I'm being punished, and I just need to break out and look up to see forever again. Being out there so much after so many years away has brought back all my old summer memories. Running as swiftly as possible through the branches to discover the mystery that is the other side of the hill, watching the animals live in a way they have for longer than I can begin to imagine. Sneaking out into the yard in the middle of the night just to watch the moon rise, the meteors fall, and the bats flitter, and making coffee (the only time I ever did like it) with my sister at sunrise. I crave it, the freedom of leisurely time in nature with good company, uninterrupted.
Homesick, I guess you could call it. Only far more fierce.
Calm down, Jen. Saturday's getting closer.
Friday
1:30pm
While it is a day meant to celebrate our "freedom" from a much better country, I must try to remind myself that I should be happy about it, because if my ancestors had not come to this land and "mingled" with the natives, I would not be here to type this. Shame they won the war though, eh? Thanks anyway, guys.
Sorry it's been so long. First I spend like an entire week at Niki's, and was simply having too much fun (AND WALKING TOO MUCH. HOLY SHIT.) to type. Then after I got back home, my mom decided I don't do enough chores to deserve internet access. Fine, mother. I won't use the computer. But don't come complaining to me when you're sad because you pay all this money out every month for absolutely no reason.
Anyway, I managed to get it back two days ago (after spending the entire day pulling weeds and mowing the lawn) but I just couldn't be bothered to type until now.
So, during my week at Niki's (more or less) I experienced many things. There was walking. And some more walking. Lots of penises and drunk girls. (Aunt Sandy's bachelorette party.) Dancing ALL night (ending around 6am when I went for a walk). Getting invited to an Autumnal Equinox bonfire at my aunt's. A metric shit-ton of Pokemon. Pizza. Crisis. Parents sucking at being parents. Rain. Sun. Waiting four hours for Wendy's to open and then deciding not to take Devin's money. Sitting awkwardly while Devin and Chris ate. Walking. Getting invited to the bridal shower at 10pm. Tv shows about fat people. Being Aunt Sandy's "amateur nutritionist" until the wedding. About six more shit-tons of pokemon. Spending ten years trying to get a ride to the store. Flat tire. Walking in the rain. At night. Imagining being pulled over for weaving on the sidewalk. Hiding my cards for fear of them being stolen. Along with everything else I brought over. The Espeon-Charmeleon incident. Niki, the fairest bitch of them all. XD Amazing water from Iceland. Strawberries. Blueberries. Making the best blueberry pancakes ever with Niki. Poo that looked like charcoal from eating so many blueberries... and that's probably a good place to stop.
I felt a bit slow for not realizing it earlier, but I've figured out what I want to do with my life... as far as a first career goes. I'm going to be a nutritionist. I've been interested in how food affects the body since like sixth grade when my mom took interest in Somersizing (Suzanne Somers' weight loss eating plan), and over the last year or so I've become completely obsessed with natural health. And people are always asking me, you know, "Is this healthy? What about this?" And I'm always trying to push my views about food on other people, so what better job would the be for me than telling people what to eat?! XD!!! I just can't believe it took me so long to figure out. It wasn't until I started planning stuff with Aunt Sandy that it really clicked.
The problem was, though, that my college didn't have a program for that. So, I started researching and in just a few hours I found my dream school. It's an online school, so I wont have a schedule to work around when I try to get a job (SOON). It's almost the same price as Land O'Lakes. EVERY class is directly related to the career. There are no pointless unrelated requirements. You can work at your own pace, so as long as I can afford it, I can finish up faster. Anyway, it's called Clayton College of Natural Health. It's accredited by a credible-looking source, though the accreditor is not on the U.S. Department of Education's list. That doesn't mean that the material and degrees are not legitimate, though. It ony means that graduates of the college won't be able to participate in certain federally sponsored events that require the title (Ph.D., etc.) they earned there. I looked through the list and there isn't even an accreditor there that's for nutrition in any way shape or form. Fuck you, Department of Education. You and your love o'drugs. I may become an herbalist too.
I also met a lovely dragonfly when I was weeding the front flowerbed. I really wish I'd never sat on my camera. I still can't afford to get a new one yet. I don't even know if I'll be able to afford my books for school. My mom offered to help me with my books a few weeks back if I couldn't afford it. I may have to use the $150 that Cameron gave me for graduation to use for an emergency. The tuition is quite literally all of my savings. I'll have thirty-five dollars left. So now I can't even get a laptop yet. Gimme dat jarb.
I've started doing yoga again. I've finally managed to get myself on a... not quite NORMAL, but rather, an EARLIER sleeping schedule. I've been waking up in time to do this yoga program that's on at 6am on the Oxygen network, called Inhale. I discovered it after staying up all night watching infomercials one new years eve (or rather, day) a few years back. I would stop for different reasons. Either I'd have to go to school half way through, or they would replace it for a while with Xena, or I just couldn't bother to get up that early, etc., etc. For the last year though, my main reason was that my wrist has grown this big crazy bump, and it would hurt when I did poses that require you to put your hands on the floor put weight on them. But, I'm managing to do it without much discomfort, and I'm convinced that it's going to go away. I thought so for a long time, just because it would fluctuate in size, sometimes shrinking. But when Niki's mom mentioned yoga when we were talking about stress last week, I showed her and she said she had the exact same thing and it went away (after some years, but still).
Also, I walked to the library last week (which took about an hour) and picked up a couple books.
Monday, June 16th
5:30pm
You know things are rough when MY mother shows sympathy. She told me that she's sending Niki's graduation card early so that she can get her money now. How is this sympathetic? Well, Niki's mom is throwing her a graduation party. Right after her mother's wedding. When no one will have any money left to give to her. What. The. Hell?! If no one realizes there will be a party a thousand years from now (the wedding's not for a month, and who KNOWS how many times this will be rescheduled after seeing what happened to her birthday party), maybe they'll just send her money in the mail too.
Me and my mom were talking about how much Aunt Sandy (Niki's mom) has changed since getting divorced and finding a new bo. It's like she's reverted back into her teenage years and forgotten everything about her present life and responsibilities. Especially her children. She doesn't seem to care about anyone but herself and Brandon anymore. Sometimes her friends. Occasionally Chris. Since Niki moved in with her dad to get away from that attitude and Chris's torture, her mom seems to have completely forgotten that she has a daughter except when Niki contacts her. And even then she doesn't seem to care. It really pisses me off. Niki's been going through some tough shit for YEARS and now her mom has decided to just stop being a mom? NOT OKAY. SHE NEEDS YOUR FUCKING SUPPORT RIGHT NOW. I think I may just have a talk with her about this.
I told my mom the teenage bit, and apparently Aunt Sandy was a "selfish little snot" when she was a teenager. So, perhaps that could be the reason for her recent selfish behavior. Who knows? I'm just glad Niki's getting some money now. Maybe now she can get a camera and do funny vlogs. XD
